Tagged!

I am not sure about this whole "tag" business, but my friend Katie has tagged me to tell 6 quirky things about me and the holidays...So I cannot ignore this request.
Not quite "quirky" and not sure how quirky would even apply to the holidays, but here goes....

1. I don't like decorating for Christmas/holidays. I just don't understand spending money on something that stays up for like 3 weeks. Maybe if space, money and time were not issues, I would have a lovely decorated home. Until then, I am content with my candles, one is scented "Red Apple Wreath" and the other is "Mistletoe". Lit in their glass homes, they spread all the cheer Jonathan and I need. Oh and I have these little reindeers that my Mom mailed (she is distressed that I do not have a desire to decorate) so I humored her by putting them on the front table, but Jonathan and I both get annoyed as we constantly knock them down every time we pass or put something on the table (see above, space issue). Don't tell my Mom.

2. My favorite Christmas song is Michael W. Smith's version of Kay Thompson's Jingle Bell's.
It is absolutely ridiculous but makes me laugh. My sister and I used to sing it loudly as we drove together to school back in the day. Good memories with my sister. I still know all the words.

3. Cuban Christmas Eve. We spend every Christmas Eve with our former neighbors who have a Cuban heritage and are wonderful hosts for a yummy dinner and festivities. It's always hilarious and they have been life long friends.

4. Favorite Christmas Movies: Love Actually, The Preacher's Wife, and Home Alone. I love Hugh Grant, Whitney Houston back in the day, and I used to be in love with Maculuary Culkin as a girl. Still my holiday heroes. And "The Christmas Story" but only in segments on the TBS marathon between eatings on Christmas day.

5. I actually look forward to waking up in my own bed in my own town one Christmas on a far away day. Don't know if this will ever happen since we live far away from both our families. But I do wonder what it would be like. Sounds kinda nice. Not that I don't love our families, but its still not "our" bed.

6. On Christmas Day, our family is very busy. We see every relative on my Mom and Dad's side. Really. Grandparents, aunts and uncles, and cousins. The food is fantastic and its amazing to really see the WHOLE family. See why my thought up waking up in my bed in DC will probably not happen?! Ha.

Advent Conspiracy.

Have you heard?

Advent Conspiracy.

Pretty great. Thinking about where I can donate money this Christmas.

How about if you asked someone who normally gives you a gift, to donate money to someone who needs it instead? Yikes, that is a tough one. My shopping list for my Mom includes new sweaters, funky jewerly, a new quilt, and smelly bubble bath....it didn't include clean water for others.

Hmmmmm.....

I got tired of the flowers.

Hence, another example of my extreme procrastination abilities.

I would never be so productive with all other duties in my life, if I didn't have a paper due in 48 hours.

See, isn't that seeing the positive in the situation?

a good car ride to work.

So many thoughts, right now.

Driving to work this morning, I enjoyed the wintry landscape. All the leaves are gone. The sun has made its annual escape, so grey clouds and sky were soft in the background. A cold wind blowing as a jogger grimaced his face for the unanticipated gust, out on his morning run along the Potomac, as I drove by with my warm coffee in the car.

I don't love the winter. Being in Florida for most of life, I love the sunshine and got used to a Vitamin D surplus, because as the winter continues, I definitely get some SAD (seasonal affective disorder). Actually this morning when I woke up, I had so many aches and pains (for no good reason such as a strenuous workout) and could not think of any reason why I should wake up, well except for all those obligatory duties required in a day, but not any reason why I wanted to get out of my cozy bed, onto my achy legs and feet, into the cold, cold, bathroom, attempt to do my hair (ponytail won, hair still dirty), get out into the chilly air, drive with every other DC busybody to the office to meet with kids who probably don't appreciate me, and who I probably won't really help...and on and on.....

BUT as I made the drive into work, the wintry morning was beautiful. Peaceful. Quiet. I kept looking at the trees. No leaves. They look dead, right? I know you have heard this kind of sermon over and over again, but it struck me anew this morning. The trees look dead without their leaves and their dull color, yet in a few months, when the glories of spring immerse, LIFE and BEAUTY and COLOR and FULLNESS return.

So, even when I feel almost "dead" inside (like this morning for me), I am not. The color, passion, beauty and fullness is there, though dormant. Why dormant? Maybe I have to die to myself. Maybe I am being sanctified, disciplined. I don't know. What I AM sure of is that the promise for Spring, whatever that is symbolic for each of us, will not disappoint. And isn't it worth it to be "dead" for awhile or to whatever, to come "alive" again? Spring would not be so great, without the contrast of Winter preceding it. Think about this in your own life, how might your current sufferings be apart of the grand design to delight you with a more lovely Spring?!

Needless to say, my drive to work was quite productive between me and the Lord. The morning started with something very encouraging at work. I was shocked. I had forgotten the "hope" of Spring and what that felt like. Throughout the day, it has soaked in and I am thankful. My heart is slowing "waking" up and I can feel the burn again for life, children, and things beyond laying in bed all day. Now I cannot speak for tomorrow, but I learned a lot today.

While there is more...I must end for this evening and get back to an assignment that is ALMOST done and due on Friday. Friday. Friday. Can't wait.

Out of Africa.

On my third sick day of the week, as a result of strep throat, one item on my agenda has been to watch "Out of Africa", which has to be my all time favorite movie....Ahhh, it's glorious. The music, scenery, story of adventure in an unknown land, a heroine who is independent and strong yet allows herself to fall in love, a handsome man made more so as a result of him being so unattainable, so wild, yet the heroine doesn't care to have "all" of him, because only a bit of him is more great than the "all" of many other men....

So many great scenes, Karen and Denys grasping hands as they fly over the beautiful African tundra, Karen showing up in the military tents after weeks of travel to the astonishment of the sexist men, heartbreak over the world not asking before it changed, over lives ending too soon, dreams not lost, but altered.

On the next rainy or sick day in your future, watch this lovely movie and grow to love the characters, story, the lines, Africa, and Robert Redford....

Blah.

Today has been one of those days where my head hasn't stopped pulsing, I can't remember why I love(d) my job so much (didn't I just tell one of you how much I loved it? Well, I need a reminder, a day later!), and the idea of doing anything besides sitting on the couch all day in my pj's seems like some kind of slow, pure torture.

What's my deal? Post holiday blues, maybe. The day after driving for 13 hours in horrible weather and traffic from Atlanta to DC, check. Husband left after 10 days of face to face time, check. Bags from being out of town laying around bedroom begging to be unpacked, check. Paper for grad class still awaiting to be written, check. Family calling saying "I wish you were with us" at Thanksgiving because I was with husband's fam, check. Did I mention a headache that continues to burn my eyes and throb in the back of my head? Oh right, check.

My inner dialogue of complaints has been reeling throughout the day. I got back home and decided to "stop" my whining and look for things to uplift me.

I started to wash dishes, an annoying thing that just must be done. I was able to find some small happiness in my Mrs. Meyer's lavendar scented dish soap. It smells so freaking good and I really did feel uplifted as I scrubbed away. Postive #1, check.

Ahh. I bought a new dishtowel this weekend at Anthropologie on sale. It has old timey advertisements on it like "Novella sweet peas" with green stripes on the bottom. I didn't use it to dry the dishes because its brand new, but I did look at it on the towel rack, and found positive #2.

So, buy fun dish soap and towels. Simple pleasures. Much better than DAWN and an old, stained dishrag.

Next positive, a new Gossip Girl is on tonight. Yes, this is my total guilty pleasure. Its funny because I actually like the adults in the show, more than the "kids", which I guess means I am getting old. Rufus is such a hot dad! Yes, the show is full of underage sex and partying, but the clothes are fun and there are some underlying themes with redemptive qualities. And its not a "guilty" pleasure for no reason, there have to be some scandals :) xoxo!

Following GG, I will soak with my new Aveeno Foaming Bath, bought at the grocery today, and while not overly luxurious (I need some new for Christmas, hint hint), it will do the trick and I need to wind down. My heart is beating fast, probably from my almost overdose of excedrin migraine (with caffeine) to try and beat this ache in the head. OH, and I got some Blistex in a new, yummy flavor rasberry lemonade blast. It's like a reminder of a summer treat for my dreary, cracked winter lips, positive # 5!

While I know there are far greater positives out there such as health, prosperity, family and God's faithfulness but sometimes its the small things to comfort you on such a "blah" day.

sara groves and garth brooks.

It has been a heavy week.

Mostly work stuff, which means children's lives being turned upside down by parents who suck, drugs, death, tragedy, poverty, and abuse. Sometimes it goes in and out, leaving me somehow unscathed. Other days it seems to soak in more and stick with me. That's where I am at now. Trying to move on by watching lame television. I am just getting annoyed which how dumb it is. Attempted to work on a 30 page paper (which is literally giving me nightmares and yet I still procrastinate) but that was heavy too as I explore the effects of parental substance abuse on children. I flipped through a magazine with holiday decoration "how to's" and recipes. Sorry, not really feeling the holiday spirit and I still don't feel "adult" enough to spend my budgeted finances on a Christmas tree. Bah humbug. If I had a bottle of wine, I'd self soothe, but my cabinets are bare (also because of the damn budget, to pay for my anxiety producing class). Jonathan is still gone, so I can't distract myself with him or gain comfort from snuggling on the couch.

But, in the midst of a "heavy" mood, I am okay.

Not sure how I got here, but I am thankful. Mostly, even though my day to day can be emotionally draining, I love it. Not really "it", but the children, the pissed off teenagers, the crazy mother's. They make me laugh. Make me think. Stretch me and my thoughts on this world. Of course, annoyance, anger and frustration also come along with the good, as in all other human relationships.

Driving today after a painful experience, I listened to the following song,

Lord I have a heavy burden of all I've seen and know
It's more than I can handle
But your word is burning like a fire shut up in my bones
and I cannot let it go

And when I'm weary and overwrought
with so many battles left unfought

I think of Paul and Silas in the prison yard
I hear their song of freedom rising to the stars
And when the Saints go marching in
I want to be one of them

Lord it's all that I can't carry and cannot leave behind
it often overwhelms me
but when I think of all who've gone before
and lived the faithful life
their courage compels me
And when I'm weary and overwrought
with so many battles left unfought

I think of Paul and Silas in the prison yard
I hear their song of freedom rising to the stars

I see the shepherd Moses in the Pharaohs court
I hear his call for freedom for the people of the Lord

I see the long quiet walk along the Underground Railroad
I see the slave awakening to the value of her soul

I see the young missionary and the angry spear
I see his family returning with no trace of fear

I see the long hard shadows of Calcutta nights
I see the sisters standing by the dying man's side

I see the young girl huddled on the brothel floor
I see the man with a passion come and kicking down the door

I see the man of sorrows and his long troubled road
I see the world on his shoulders and my easy load


Now, I do not come close to being a saint and really don't desire that kind of status, but the part of the song that I loved were the reminders of battles fought. Yes, they are always here and sometimes seem hopeless and unending. However, I am happy to take my place as a fighter in the battle. Yes, you can sit it out. Yes, you can have others fight the battles. But the battles are still raging, if you choose to ignore them, they do not stop. I am pumped up by generations ahead and after me that have and will love enough to fight-for justice, for people, for Jesus.

A favorite song of mine growing up was "Standing Outside the Fire" by Garth Brooks. I've always thrown myself hard into relationships and well, life, so the lyrics pumped me up and they still do....."There's this love that is burning Deep in my soul Constantly yearning to get out of control Wanting to fly higher and higher I can't abide standing outside the fire...."

I might get beat up and burned, but I want "in". There was a time in my recent past in which I felt like not fighting. Sadness. Confusion. Loss of purpose. I almost let people and things in my life slip away that are really important. So, I am eternally grateful for grace and that God knows me better than I do, because He gave me back my will to fight and I am clinging to it.....

And praise be to Him who gave Himself unto death in the fight...yet brought victory and freedom to me through His blood and sacrifice.

more than circumstances...

I just got back from the airport after dropping my hubby off, for yet again another week of travel for work, this time beginning on a precious Sunday, after about 24 hours together in the 7 days. Tears and sadness, although my head telling my heart and emotions to "straighten up" and that "its not that big of a deal". I tried to go to the mall. Ha. I guess it was good that it wasn't open yet. The Lord knew that emotional shopping is a weakness.

Got home, made some homemade oatmeal on the stove, the kind that takes longer but is creamier with maple syrup and raisens. I put my ipod on shuffle and here it came....

"I see Your face in every sunrise
The colors of the morning are inside Your eyes
The world awakens in the light of the day
I look up to the sky and say
You’re beautiful

I see Your power in the moonlit night
Where planets are in motion and galaxies are bright
We are amazed in the light of the stars
It’s all proclaiming who You are
You’re beautiful, You're beautiful

I see you there hanging on a tree
You bled and then you died and then you rose again for me
Now you are sitting on Your heavenly throne
Soon we will be coming home
You’re beautiful, you're beautiful

When we arrive at eternity’s shore
Where death is just a memory and tears are no more
We’ll enter in as the wedding bells ring
Your bride will come together and we’ll sing
You’re beautiful, You're beautiful, You're beautiful"

-Phil Wickam lyrics to "Beautiful"

Our street has tall trees that are now "snowing" bright yellow leaves, as fall turns into winter, and its quite beautiful. Jonathan and I stood in the middle of the street yesterday as yellow fell around us and were just in awe of nature a few feet out our door.

The yellow trees outside were rustling about in the wind, as I came home today, as if God were comforting me, whispering sweet nothings. Then I heard the song and it continued to speak to me.....I'm not sure quite what the message is yet, and I am starting to think that each day in this life consists of figuring it out piece by piece, as if on a long treasure hunt, where one clue leads to the next. If this is true, then today's clue would be that there is MORE than circumstances. More than the 9-5, or too much alone time, or wintry weather. Admists all these circumstances, God is whispering to us, whether its through the falling leaves or a song, and He IS beautiful.

I can't wait to get to the end of the treasure hunt....

addictions and people.

Tonight I went to a twelve step Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) meeting in my neighborhood. It was an investigation on my part as I am currently taking a class on substance abuse therapies. Wow. I am touched and made aware and thankful my wise online professor recommended us to go and that I followed through on my end with seeking out the experience and people. Nervous and not knowing what to expect, but scenes and snipets from movies and tv, I ventured to the meeting.

I walk by the building most days and never noticed it. Now I will always notice it and be AWARE of the people meeting there. The people in the meeting were diverse. Some looked just like me, a co-worker, a friend, a few looked like my dad, my mom, an artist, a lawyer, black, white, homeless, yuppie, old, young...It was truly an eclectic group.

The sharing and community is what really touched me. I was such an outsider and I wanted in. These people knew each other, supported one another, and shared such intimate struggles and victories. All in an hour! Everyone held hands in a circle at the end and recited the serenity prayer and the Lord's prayer. It was powerful. They have meetings everyday and some people go daily. To uphold one another. To share life.

It convicted me of my independence in this world. I don't seek out such community often. When I do, I am blessed, but so many other "things", requirements, stresses, which get in the way of me and community. With Jonathan being away, I feel more guilty over my solitude. One great thing about marriage I have discovered is that you don't feel bad about doing absolutely nothing because you are spending time with the one you love. Ha, now that I am alone during the week, my guilt is back!!

Awareness. Don't assume you "know" the person next to you on the metro, at your office, at Starbucks. I can't remind myself of this enough. Addictions are real and effect people just like you and me and our friends, siblings, and neighbors. To me this awareness, means respecting and wanting to learn from people. It doesn't matter if you look like you have it all together, or you don't, or you have a lot of fancy degrees, or you don't. Just share your story with me, or pieces of it, and I promise to soak it in and learn. I can't get over how in our world we walk around with so many stereotypes and stigmas, when really we are all just humans, and our desires, struggles and dreams, are really not that different. What is that old saying, don't judge a person until you walk a mile in their shoes?

a story to share.

A friend here in DC, told me about her dear friend, Katherine, who in April, suffered an anurysm in her brain, almost costing her life, but with great doctors and God's grace, she is alive, but with a long road ahead of her for recovery....

Although I don't know Katherine, by reading about her and following her story, I have connected to her in some way and often think and pray for her. She is 26 years-old, married, and with a young baby boy. Our stories didn't look that different until she had this massive bleed in her brain, and now she has a new "normal" in her life. I have been inspired by her fight and her spirit, although mourning, she is still triumphant.

Her husband's words below as they celebrate their wedding anniversary today:

"Today, November 6th, was Katherine and my 4th wedding anniversary. As I walked Katherine back from an early morning trip to the bathroom, I rigged our wedding DVD to start playing at the bridal procession. After a few seconds, the strains of "Trumpet Voluntary" ignited memories in Katherine's mind, sending a sweet, crooked smile across her face. I knew that Katherine's "procession" this morning, though in a bathrobe with her eye patched, was far more beautiful than her walk down the aisle on our wedding day. We continued to slowly make our way back to the bed, in the now familiar, swaying dance/walk that we find ourselves in every day now.

Memories of how we danced to the band for hours at our reception came racing back. Even if we won't be dancing that way for a while still, I get to lead my wife in a new kind of dance all the time. Instead of a soulful band singing classic oldies, we often "dance" to sad songs, people yelling, or James crying, but the times that we hear those carefree songs, people cheering, or James laughing are the most exquisite dances imaginable.We lay in bed watching the wedding DVD before getting ready for our day of therapy. The two people on the screen were so young, so innocent. In just four years, those two people now find themselves at a neuro rehabilitation hospital in Pomona, CA. The bride, though now unable to walk herself down any aisle or clearly speak her wedding vows or eat her beloved wedding cake, is somehow, impossibly more radiant now than she was then. Now, she glows with the light of new life.

Those two giddy newlyweds are still in here, somewhere deep down. We've been battered, but we are not broken. We've experienced things that two 26 year olds should never have to experience, but we've also been filled to overflowing by the immeasurable blessings of our Lord. Nothing on this journey is wasted. My Dad performed our wedding ceremony. As we listened to his words preceding the vows, we could not help but transport ourselves back to the moments on that altar. My Dad spoke of the inevitable storms of life, and the necessity of building our home on the rock-solid foundation of Christ. How could we have ever imagined what our lives would be like less than 4 years later?

This huge storm has swept over our home, threatening to take it all away, but by the grace of God, our little home is still here. I could not be more proud of the family that remains. These days, grasping at normalcy or reminiscing on the old life most often brings a cold reminder that things are not as they used to be. Sadness can often overshadow what were once celebratory occasions, but not today because on this day of remembering our sacred vows of marriage, things are just as they were promised to be. "


I was blown away by these words this morning and found ita powerful reminder of our own fraility, the power of a covenant marriage, and faith in God's faithfulness. Wow.

http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/katherinewolf (for more on Katherine's story)

oh Thursdays.

How could you have a bad day when you get to hang out with this lil' guy?

One reason why I LOVE Thursdays is my normal visit with this fabulous 8-year-old who always makes me laugh and warms my heart.

Another reason is that Thursday normally signals my hubby's return to our city and home. After days of driving myself crazy alone at night, I am always happy for the company and normally then turn to driving Jonathan crazy because I am so attention deprived and needy, I am like a 5-year-old who has been locked in a dark room for a few hours (not that I would know or condone such terrible abuse of a child, but it is just an example), jumping on his lap saying, "pay attention to me", "talk to me", "love me"!! Plus, Thursdays are normally my flag football with co-workers night, which also involves some happy hour beers, so needy AND tipsy is a bad combo!! I mean I think its fun and love my fullness of personality, but after a long day of work and travel, my hubby doesn't share my sense of humor on these evenings.

Thank goodness, by Friday, the emotions have balanced out and we can have a semi-sane and nice weekend together. AND this weekend- NO PLANS!! This is intentional and sorry to be anti-social but I do have a paper to write for my online class and some major couch, football watching and movie time scheduled, so leave us alone! That is "said" with a smile :)

election day and more.

Today was the first time I was able to go in person to vote for the president. I love the patriotic feeling of being able to vote, going to my polling place, seeing people outside with signs for their candidates and then all the volunteers to help with the voting process. It seems like such a selfless, giving day which unites people of all different political views to appreciate our country's freedom in having a VOTE.

However, this presidential election does frustrate me, as it seems as if the gap between both candidates is so WIDE, I have often wondered these past few months how a person like me, who considers herself somewhere in the middle of these two parties and candidates would decide. While I did vote and decided which candidate to support, I don't have particular strong feeling about Obama or McCain winning or losing. This makes me feel more unpatriotic or something than the people so energized with their candidate, but after months of soul searching and considering, I still haven't gotten to that point.....

Really, I hate the divisions and having to pick one or the other. Maybe my job doing counseling which requires me to emphathize with people and their experiences, overflows into my thinking about politics, I can consider both sides and find positives in both. I can also find negatives, but in them BOTH. And its not that I don't have firm ideas about things, I do, its just that neither party/candidate captures them completely.

I was in Georgia/Florida this past weekend. I was blown away by Southern politics and the overwhelming conservative voice. People handing out McCain/Palin stickers galore. My parents were giving me things to read and arguments against Obama all weekend. They are so scared the liberal DC has turned their formerly conservative-but-not-really-thinking-for-herself-just-going-along-with-what-she-grew-up-around-views, daughter into one of "them". Here in DC the voice is 100% Obama from what I have seen, including the CEO of my agency using her platform to make political statements and Obama signs adorning the halls.

Obama supporters can't imagine why people would vote for McCain, and McCain supporters can't understand why anyone would vote for Obama. Again, the gap is so wide and there is such a lack of understanding from one side to the other. While I often feel alienated from both groups, not able to fit in with either, I do appreciate being able to see both sides. I hope to be a person that brings people together and has friends on all sides and not surround myself by just those "like" me. So, I might not "fit in" but I am learning to embrace this and find that it enriches my life, politically and beyond!

**************************************************************************************

"Though I am free and belong to no man, I make myself a slave to everyone to win as many as possible. To the Jews I became like a Jew, to win the Jews. To those under the law I became like one under the law (although I myself am not under the law), so as to win those under the law. To those not having the law I became like one not having the law (though I am not free from God's law but am under Christ's law), so as to win those not having the law. To the weak, I became weak, to win the weak. I have become all things to all men so that by all possible means I might save some. I do all this for the sake of the gospel, that I may share in its blessings."
I Corinthian 9:19-23.

David Lipscomb's comment on this is:

Paul accommodated himself to the prejudices and preferences of men so far as he could without sacrificing truth and righteousness, in order to win them to Christ ... He did this not that he might be personally popular with any man, but that by doing so he might throw no obstacle in
the way of their giving the gospel a fair hearing.

"Jesus replied, "And why do you break the command of God for the sake of your tradition?"
Matthew 15:3

As someone trying to authentically follow Christ, I seek to follow God in my life and not do things for the sake of tradition!! Do not assume everything you do as a "Christian" actually reflects the heart of God. Think about it. I have been so frustrated with people assuming that the US is a "Christian nation". Where do you get that from? Is that in the Bible? That God will bless the USA? I don't think that makes me unpatriotic to say, because I am very proud of our country, and thankful to all who have sacrificed for our freedom. However, because of our freedom, yes, I can acknowledge God in my life, but others should also be able to acknowledge their own beliefs. I am all for our country and government letting us be free to worship and have our own worldview, and not dictating what that should be, and by claiming that we are a "Christian" nation following biblical beliefs, that seems to infringe on that freedom. If we take away others freedom, then we are also closer to our own freedom being taken.

Thoughts?

being busy.

Jonathan was lucky enough to snag some World Series tickets and we went to Game 3 in Philly this past Saturday. I love going to be sporting events, just for the experience. After a rain delay, the game finally began around 10pm and didn't end up 2am, while we froze in the stands, but still glad for the experience and a great game. Then the Lively's (not as lively at the time being) drove back to DC, arriving around 5am....

Right now I am on an extended lunch break, as I came to grab my suitcase and do some final things before an afternoon of sessions with kids and then heading straight to Baltimore to fly out for a weekend at FL/GA festivities and spending time with friends.

Busy. Busy. Busy. I can't decide if I like being busy or if I wish for a slower paced life. Probably because of my dilemna of accepting happiness, I don't like being busy when I am, and then get bored when I am not galavanting with plans and people each weekend.

Hope you have a nice busy or chill weekend and hope its exactly what you need.

more nostalgia.

What is it with me thinking about old relationships these days?

Today was one of my childhood best friend's birthday. I have been thinking about her all day. We spent many of our adolescent days pining over our lives and shared so much, part of her is cemented to my personality and make up. It has to be. I laugh and love so much just thinking about her....

We stayed up all night talking on the phone, seriously, I did not sleep for a few years. We drove around Florida going to dance auditions and planning to escape our families (and boring) lives to go to performing arts boarding school (she went, i didn't). We were obsessed with "I Love Lucy" and that was our comic relief. We were (kinda) anti social to others, and found enough friendship in each other. Spent endless weekend nights "sleeping over" which including TPing the boys in the neighborhood wearing black "ninja" clothes and climbing out of her 2 story window with sheets tied together (but we had on our roller blade protective gear in case we fell). We got in trouble for laughing and not being able to stop. We both switched schools so we could attend the same one in which we ate lunch alone (but together) and one of our teachers called us, "the girls from another planet". We liked him and thought everyone else sucked, so this was a compliment.

In my young age, this dear friend saw more vulnerability in me than anyone. We were intense as friends and real. Depressed when sad, manic when happy. A roller coaster ridden, but with each up and down, we were in it together. She taught me a lot. About myself, and friendship, and relationships. I used to think it was weird that we fought. Like major conflicts and hurt. As a young girl, I didn't realize that in relationships, this is a part of it. When you care for someone, you get angry. Life is messy, love is messier, right? Ever heard that the opposite of love is NOT hate, but APATHY? I think that is true. If you piss me off, I still love you, if I don't care, you are fading away....

My husband doesn't know this old friend. Last year, we got to spend time together, Jonathan and I and my friend and her fiance. Enjoying two bottles of wine by Lake Eola, dear friend and I, started where we left off, our guys chiming in sharing stories, adventures and outlooks on life.

When driving home, my husband commented that he couldn't believe how similar we were, my friend and I. Our humor. Our stories. Our personalities.

So, I think about that, how are those that we love imprinted on us?

And, how do WE imprint on those we love?

Happy Birthday dear friend. Thank you for sharing your life with me many years ago.

steady and content.

As I walked around my neighborhood the other evening, bundling up for the first time this season, I was thinking about things in my life. I don't feel particularly happy or excited about any of them. Now don't get me wrong, its not that there is anything bad in my life or tragic, so I feel guilty even professing my ill-contentedness, but that is exactly what I have been- not content.

I thrive on new things, fresh, exciting, fun, right?....

Well, let's see here. I've lived in DC for over a year now with no plans for relocation as the real estate market might dictate our stay in our 550 square feet of bliss ; I've been at my job for almost 1.5 years; I've been married for over 2 years...I don't have plans to move, leave my job, or leave my marriage, so that is a lot of the SAME. BUT these are all good things, I love my home, my job, and my marriage, so that should be enough. It really should. What is my deal?! I am never happy and satisfied and always looking for more. If the SAME is GOOD, then why should I want DIFFERENT just for the hell of it?

Additionally, my life up until this point, has always been in a flux of change. Moving apartments almost every year. Having a few year plan in each city. Grad school. Different jobs, never beyond a year. Relationships on and off again. Engagement. Wedding. Newlyweds.

After the waters have calmed and I might actually be at a point of stability in my life, I am restless! I (kinda) understand how people start popping out kiddos, they get bored and that is "next" in life.... Still not there on that one-I obviously need to work on these issues before adding more complexity, such as a human life into the picture :) Whoa.

As I've fumbled around with these ideas, I feel convicted about my constant need to find happiness and fulfillment in my circumstances. What is the point of faith if it doesn't give me meaning and is "enough" to make me content?

Well, certainly aware of my own hypocrisy and shortcomings, I am working on having a quiet, steady joy...something that doesn't go up and down, with tears and exclamation marks, but STEADFAST. I can't imagine anyone has ever described me as THAT, so it might be a long journey.....

" You will keep in perfect peace him who mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you."
-Isaiah 26:3

"Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me." -Psalm 51:10

"Wealth stays with us a little moment if at all: only our characters are steadfast, not our gold." -Euripides

peoples past.

This time of year and the approaching winter always signals a dip in my mood, and while determined to not be victim to such a depression, I have to admit I enjoy bits of the "contemplativeness" of my spirit tonight.

While not sure how to broach the subject on this public format, a certain event occurred this weekend which left me thinking about relationships lost....those people in your life who at some time you knew, loved, and had deep interactions with and now have faded into the peripheral people you might hear about while visiting your hometown over the holidays or catch up through mutual friends.

It is just so weird to me to think about really knowing someone and being involved in his/her life and then just not be anymore. Ofcourse, this is a reality and there is not really any way to not have this in our lives, but my heart doesn't really know how to deal with it or how to reason around this occurance.

It just makes me sad. Regardless of the reason for not having a certain person in your life anymore, whether it was your choice, or theirs, or circumstances. So, here is a guarantee to you about me- if you are in my life, my friend, my family, my love, past or present, then I will always remember you, think about you, and love you in some way. Maybe I don't act on the love because it wouldn't be appropiate or circumstances don't allow, but I appreciate you being in my life at some point. Each person I know and share my life with in some capacity, changes me, molds me, influences me, in some way....I love big and vulnerably, and the consequence is that people don't "leave" me. You are actually all here, somewhere in my heart or my luny head....

My husband had to leave early on a business trip. I am left alone with a glass of wine (and hot chocolate for later), a stack of books, and an i-pod playlist to comfort and fellowship with tonight.

Revolution in Jesusland.

Zack Exley's blog which he summarizes in this way:

"Right after the 2004 elections, a cynical map made the rounds of progressives’ inboxes everywhere, separating “Jesusland” from the “United States of Canada.” Several other self-righteous riffs followed.

The image was a hit because it expressed a sinking feeling in the hearts of many progressives that America had been taken over by an incomprehensible cult of ignorance, intolerance and hate—a cult they knew as “evangelical” or “born again” Christianity.

Most secular progressives are comfortable with mainline liberal Christianity. But when it comes to evangelicals, many can only think of anti-gay ballot initiatives, clinic bombers, street preachers with megaphones and corrupt televangelists. And they tend to be confused and disturbed by a movement that reads the Bible “literally” as the “inerrant word of God.”

This blog is a plea to the progressive movement, to take another look and get to know the diverse and complex world of evangelical Christianity in its own terms. Here you’ll find interviews, commentary, analysis and other dispatches from all over “Jesusland.” This tour will explore everything from the workings of the local church, to the evangelicals’ vibrant, decentralized national leadership training infrastructure to theological questions such as, “How in the world DO they read the Bible literally?” and “Do they really think I’m going to hell?”

There are two really big reasons to come along on this tour:

First, progressives will never achieve their goals as long as they are hostile toward and ignorant about the faith of 100 million of their own people who are born again Christians.

Second (and we know how difficult this is to believe) there is an incredibly large and beautiful social movement exploding among evangelicals right now that stands for nearly all of the same causes and goals that secular progressives do. Those goals include: eliminating poverty, saving the environment, promoting justice and equality along racial, gender and class lines and for immigrants—and even separation of church and state.

By learning to work together with “progressive” evangelicals, secular progressives will stand a better chance of achieving their goals and also learn an enormous amount from these remarkable people and their organizations that will help secular progressives strengthen their own movement.

This evangelical “revolution,” as one Christian pollster has labeled it, is unquestionably the fastest growing and most surprising of American social movements today. Whichever way you measure, it probably dwarfs the secular left. From mega churches to tiny country churches, evangelical Christians are rediscovering the “gospel of the God of the oppressed.” Perhaps the most surprising among these are the suburban, white evangelicals who are stepping outside of their comfort zones to “get into relationship” with the poor, the oppressed, the homeless, prisoners—the people of whom Jesus said,

Whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me….Whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me. —Matthew 25

They are building houses for and teaching job skills to homeless people, they are creating tutoring programs for kids in failing schools, they’re paying health care bills and sending off rent checks for people living on poverty wages—and there’s even a movement afoot among these people to move their young families out of wealthy suburbs and into forsaken inner city neighborhoods, putting their kids into broken and often violent public schools. And in their Sunday services and Bible studies they are questioning the very foundations of modern American capitalist ideology.

On this blog we will attempt over time to provide evidence, and to explain the inner logic of this culture’s narratives, theologies and passions, and to flesh out the larger context of this movement that is shaking up nearly every American community and producing so many exceptional leaders.

So—welcome to Jesusland. We hope you enjoy the tour."

I have recently found this blog and so enjoyed the conversations it promotes. In these days before an election with negativity screaming at you through slinging ads on tv, and with an economy I don't totally understand, but get freaked out when day after day headlines of the stock market "diving" and "recession" and "unemployment" are mentioned, it CAN'T be wrong to dialogue and hopefully better understand each other.

Fall Getting Away....

"To be interested in the changing seasons is a happier state of mind than to be hopelessly in love with spring." -George Santayana.

My Mom and Dad joined us "kids" in the DC region and we went to the Virginia mountains for the long Columbus Day weekend...It was fabulous!

We lounged around, watched football (go gators!), flipped through magazines, cooked and ate yummy food, hiked, played games, tried to pick apples in an orchard (but couldn't find any), drove down long country roads, drank beer and listened to live music at a brewery, enjoyed some fall foliage and just being around each other. I feel rested and content, filled to the brim!

Ordinary Radicals.

Oh yeah. Watch this.

Things are a changin....

So, all the Barak Obama jargon about change certainly has an energy that is contagious. As already referenced, I am one who actually likes change and that exhilarating feeling of not really knowing what is around the corner....

With all this talk of change in the media, I have been intrigued with the idea and found some similar conversations regarding church/Christianity/faith in some books recently which have "lit my fire" so to speak....

I love it when my mind is whirling around with new ideas, not really sure how I feel about them, but energized by something new to contemplate and think about. I have to think that one grows when they challenge and explore their view on life/God/world/people. So I am going with the change idea, as a positive thing.

For example, Pagan Christianity by Frank Viola. It is a book written by a guy who has been involved in a "home church" for 15 years. They meet at different peoples home. No one person leads. The "service" structure depends on each week, day, member- so no 20 min worship, 10 min announcement, 30 min sermon, a closing and then dismissal. No dressing up. Not the latest and greatest videos, media clips, and musical technology which sure does make church seem "relevant" and "cool". Well, not to diss all those churches that do embrace these practices, but they are not my cup of tea and always leave me wanting more....

How more "relevant" could be meeting in another person's home, coming as you are, sharing life together, being led with the spirit as to the group's needs that week- maybe its sharing what God has done in your life, maybe its a teaching on a scripture or something read, maybe its time in prayer, maybe its quiet worship, maybe its loud worship, maybe its talking, eating, laughing. Wow, I would want to go every week!! Yes, its less human control and managing...more faith required, but come on, let's put our big kid pants on and grow up!

I just got really excited thinking about that idea.....!!!

So anyways, this book, Pagan Christianity, talks about practices of the church and how many of them did not actually originate from "christian" practice of the early church (the disciples shortly after Christ's death) but from the cultures of societies past. A lot of history, which some might find boring (my husband got really annoyed), but to me gave it credibility. It just makes you think about things. Like with a church's budget- why pay so much for a church building when it is used by people only a few times a week? Couldn't that money be used to help people without more effectively? And pastors- When did they start going to seminary and requiring all this "education"...The disciples were "untrained, unschooled" men, but were able to minister the power and message of Christ pretty effectively. Now its not to say that all these things are bad or wrong, but to put it out there that they might not have to be the staple and their origins are not necessarily "christian".

And another book, Jesus for President (by Shane Claiborne and Chris Haw)(and i would check out the intro to the website). I am still reading but there is so much that excites me about it.

First, from Revelation 18:2-5, John writes:

"Come out of her, my people,
so that you will not share in her sings
so that you will not receive any of her plagues'

for her sins are piled up to heaven,
and God has remembered her crimes..."

And then the author's commentary (p.151)

"John's language couldn't be clearer: we are to "come out" of her, literally to pull ourselves out. Scholars point out that this is erotic language and that the words John uses are the same ones used for coitus interruptus- to interrupt sexual intercourse before climax. As John is speaking of this steamy love affair with the empire, he calls the church to "pull out of her"- to leave the romance with the world and be wooed by God, to remember our first love, to say no to all other lovers. Certainly he made his readers blush. And its not easy to pull out of a relationship of dependency and romance, of lavish gifts and captivating beauty, especially with a bride as beautiful as Rome or America."

The subtitle is "a book to provoke the christian political imagination" and that is what it does...makes you question the so called "christian" ideals of the USA and what loyalty we have to the country, when we might not agree with all of "her" decisions and ways. ...

Like I said, I am still reading and being challenged. Check this article out which delves into the book's message more : http://www.huffingtonpost.com/zack-exley/jesus-for-president-a-re_b_94489.html

Don't be scared to question and examine...If you are sure you have found the truth, then you should be confident in your explorations!

Now after all this thought, I am anxious to figure out what in the heck to DO to change the way I LIVE my life. Much harder than the thinking part.

Two years.

Today is our two year wedding anniversary. September 30, 2006 was a truly wonderful day.

Happy Anniversary, Honey!

www.garrettnuddphotography.com/Slideshow/Lively

So...Are you like religious or something?

I have started and stopped this entry several times. I am still not sure of what to write.

Since the short life of this blog, I've had a few people question me with such comments as, "Are you really religious or something?" "Evangelical"?

This felt confrontational to me, and while I don't know the motives/thoughts behind the questioning, I have been doing a lot of thinking about my uncertainty of how to answer.

My first thought is to cringe at the words religious/evangelical. My mind goes to politics and super conservative people in the news like Jerry Falwell, or even Joel Osteen (smile!), and people I don't want to be "classified" with as the same....

But here's the thing, who would I want to be associated with in this crazy world? Honestly, I feel like I am floating between worlds of "Christian" and "Secular" and trying to find what that looks like in a person.

My beliefs. I do believe that Jesus lived on this earth as a person to know mankind and to ultimately give His own life for my salvation. He died for me. He died for you. If that makes me "religious" just for that, then fine, label me.

However, keep looking.....I don't like the institutional church. Sometimes if I go to a church service, I leave more enraged and angered than when I came. Maybe its me. Maybe its the institutional church. However, I soak up fellowship with people. Real, vulnerable people. Relationships. Sharing life with someone else. Maybe this person shares similar beliefs about God, maybe they don't, or maybe I don't know their beliefs, really I don't care. As people, we are more similar than we like to admit. My desires, dreams, worries are pretty similar at their core than yours, even if our day to day lives look pretty different.

I think that a prostitute, a homeless person, or someone else that society might frown upon could be closer to the heart of God than a lot of church goers in this country. Pride and judgement of others is something I loathe and they seem far from Jesus' heart and example from His days on earth.

Actually, it was the church goers, He rebuked and to the unfaithful woman He showed much grace. He came to set up free from "religion" and rules to live an abundant life. Sadly, I don't see many Christians walking in that freedom today. It's easy to see why so many are "put off" by Christianity these days.

My own journey of faith has gone down different paths from not really believing anything, to being legalistic in religion, to really questioning, and now I am at a place in which I am striving to be true in my relationship with Christ and on a never ending quest to see what that looks like in my life. I want to love people with mercy and compassion. To accept, not judge. To heal, not convict.

All I know is God's faithfulness to me. That doesn't mean I haven't had hard times, or really questioned, but all in all, I believe and trust in His goodness. I hope hope hope!! that I will continue to, regardless of what is ahead. I don't understand everything or have many answers. I can speak only from my own experiences with a personal God who has shown me His presence and touch. And this doesn't mean I haven't messed up, I have and I have A LOT, but that is the thing about God's grace...It is real and healing. It brings you home and rejoices in your return. Like the one lost sheep, like the prodigal son.....And trust me, if this God will do it for ME, He shall also give ALL for YOU.

surprise.

Wow.

So, its Wednesday night. I had a normal, fine day. Not great. Not bad. When I got in my car to leave my last work duty for the day, I couldn't get the car to start. The key wouldn't turn. I kept trying to move the steering wheel, thinking it was locked. Still nothing. Ugh. When this kind of thing happens, I immediately turn rageful. I have no patience and this awful personality emerges. I call Jonathan (in Michigan) as if he SHOULD be able to do something to help my stupid car key turner to fulfill its reason for existing. I am short and rude to him because he can't miraculously turn it through the cell phone waves.

I call the emergency road side assistance. I don't qualify because I don't need a battery jump (or at least that is my professional assessment) and am not ready to commit to have it towed to a repair shop. The kind operator connects to me a car dealership on the west coast so I can talk to a mechanic (b/c its 6:30pm in dc and ones here will be closed). I ask a mechanic in Santa Monica, CA, if he knows how i can get my key to turn in my stupid, not working (for the moment) vehicle. He gives me a few tips and voila! the key turns. I squeal, tell him he is my hero for this night, feel like a stupid, dumb girl, who can't get her car to work, and drive away, more emotionally exhausted than I anticipated.

I had no reason not to work out for the night. That had been my intention and plan. However, when I got home, just not feeling it. But I'm bored. Unfortunately, its the kind of bored that does not want to relieve itself from the state and seek out entertainment such as gym time, or a phone call to a friend, or a visit with my sister who lives .2 miles away. So I just sat. Drank a blue moon. Perused Facebook. Felt lazy about not catching up on paperwork. Texted my hubby that I missed him.

Its nights like this that I want him home. I don't want to do anything really. But I want him to sit next to me. Watching guests on Larry King yell at each other over presidential candidates, him typing away on his laptop or watching that show mythbusters, for him to tell me to get off of Facebook and repeat his lack of love for the social network, for me to get annoyed that he never puts his dishes away, for him to bicker that I leave the a/c on too much....

I was about to have a pity party for myself when I hear the key turn in our door and....

SURPRISE! He totally fooled me and got home a day earlier from travels....

Wow. I am not even surprised very easily (I am the kind of person who always finds out about surprises but will never never tell i knew about it because I don't want to ruin it for the planner!). But this was a genuine surprise.

Got to go, so I can soak up this boring night with my hubby!

"If you are not seeing it, you are not looking for it."

Check this out: Call + Response

"Justice is what love looks like in public."

Life of the Beloved.

"Aren't you, like me, hoping that some person, thing, or event will come along to give you that final feeling of inner well-being you desire? Don't you often hope," May this book, idea, course, trip, job, country, or relationship fulfill my deepest desire?"


"The loneliness, the homelessness, and the addictiveness of people are all too visible. Yet all these people yearn for a blessing. That blessing can be given only by those who have heard it themselves...I must tell you that claiming your own blessedness always leads to a deep desire to bless others."

"I am convinced that healing is often so difficult because we don't want to know the pain...The first step to healing is not a step away from the pain, but a step toward it."


"Our real gift is not so much what we can do, but who we are. The real question is not, "What can we offer each other?" but "Who can we BE for each other?"

"When I ask myself, "Who helps me the most?" I must answer, "The one who is willing to share his or her life with me".


"The world is evil only when you become its slave...The great struggle facing you is not to leave the world, to reject your ambitions and aspirations, or to despise money, prestige, or success, but to claim your spiritual truth and to live in the world as someone who doesn't belong to it."

I recently read Henri Nouwen's "Life of the Beloved" and the above are from his writings....

Striving to listen to His voice saying, "You are my beloved". I hope the same for you in your journey.

a kind deed.

As I was looking for parking today near my office, I found a spot with a meter and was in the process of rummaging around for change, while still sitting in my car. A call pulled up next to me and the guy motioned for me to roll down my window. When I did, he told me he just left his spot across the street and there was still an hour and a half on the meter, so I could hop right in...Wooohoo. This is a REALLY great thing because I am always short on change, since I have to use it all the time for parking and the lovely laundry machines.

This random guy didn't have to come all the way over to my side of the street to tell me about his open and already paid for spot. It made me think that I probably wouldn't have taken the time to help a stranger, right?

So, thank you kind Sir and hopefully in the future I will be more "kind deed" conscious in my own day to day duties, as a result of your inspiration.

Change.

School started this week in the District of Columbia. All the kids have new, shiny shoes and fresh backpacks. The teachers are friendly and bright eyed when I introduce myself. Walls are newly painted.


Summer is ending. Fall is approaching.

Change. A new beginning.

When I was younger I hated change. My family has lived in the same house since I was born. At varying times, my parents would toy with the idea of moving and look at real estate; my sister and I would protest so much that the idea was eventually shelved. 1343 Campbell St. is still the Mahurin home. That house represented stability and if it changed, it seemed as if my world would shake.


My parents still have that house. They aren't even there very often, but it still offers some sense of comfort and tradition.

For example, at Christmas. I am 26 years old and every single Christmas of my life has been the exact same. Christmas Eve at our neighbors home. They are Cuban and its their close family members + the Gringos (us) and this tradition began before I was born and continues.....We did add martini's somewhere in there, so I guess there has been some change, and for the good!

Christmas morning, the "kids" (we've added Jonathan) still have to sit at the top of the staircase why the parents are at the bottom. When they give us the "ok", we can come down to open presents. This made sense when we were little and there were unwrapped things from Santa on display, like a new bike, or a sleeping bag with a big bow on it. Now there is no reason for it, we just do it because we always did. Its like what is going to happen if I bust down before Mom and Dad?!! ahhh craziness. After gift time, we are rushed through a pastry breakfast by Mom who is all of the sudden freaking out that we are going to be late getting to the relatives. We fight about the Christmas spirit being ruined and pack into the car. A hour on 1-4 and we arrive for Mom's side of the fam Christmas. Ridiculously great food, and a lot of it, by my culinary gifted Uncle, friendly banter, hugs from people I only see once a year, watching my precious grandmother open a sweater and dust buster from her family, and of course, random moments of the "Christmas Story" with Ralphie on TBS. Then we get back in the car and head back on I-4 to Orlando. We used to have to go back to the house to let our dog, Daisy, out, but now she died and that still makes me really sad. Man, I really want a dog (damn condo board, stiff asses!). Then we head to my Dad's side of the family Christmas. More food, but something like cold ham and veggie soup and olives that you can put on your fingers. Some more banter, hugs from people I see once a year but have known me my entire existence and all of the sudden its 10pm and I've seen every relative on my side (poor Lively's are totally neglected in this tradition). Busy day. And repeated every December 25th to a freaking tee.

Now here is my confession: I kinda want to go on a cruise for Christmas.


I've grown to like change. To crave it. To embrace it.

Maybe I'm rebelling against the extreme stability in my early life. After graduating from high school, I have lived in 7 different residences. 3 cities. 3 states/provinces. The fact that we bought something in DC sometimes makes me feel like I have a noose around my neck. I have lived here a year and LOVE this place (condo and city), but there is an "antsy" spirit inside that starts to itch.

Will I ever have roots again?

I want to explore. For something to be different everyday.

I love the changing seasons. I get sick of the current one and always embrace the new one coming. In Florida, not so much. You better get used to feeling warm.

Now back to this whole Christmas cruise thing, it's not going to happen. My family already allowed Jonathan "in" on our tradition and that was probably enough change for the next 10 years!! I just want a chance to get tan in the winter. Is that totally selfish? (I am still not adjusted to this whole NE pale skin thing...depressing in the most vain way)


Some perspective: When I was sharing some of my "extreme" views to the fam at some point this summer, kinda for shock value and not totally serious, my Dad pulled me aside and said something to the point of, well, we will not be able to have family vacations forever, suggesting that him and my Mom would be too old or sick or dead for time together. I'm not even going to go there because I am not ready for my parents to deal with any of the above (or me to deal with it by their side).

Soooooo trying to balance it all out....Change vs. Tradition?!

Can a person have it all?

I just love it...

In a simple way, this dance makes me happy.

Maybe its because I used to dance and it pricks my memory with positive experiences from long ago. Maybe its because the "story" told with the dance relates to my feelings of my husband traveling each week for work. Maybe I just think Chelsie is beautiful and expressive. Plus I dig the song.

Whatever reason, I like it. Makes me want to grab my ballet slippers and leap around!!

I have many more profound thoughts on my mind, but for this Saturday a simple joy such as a dance routine to a pop song will do just fine.

At the end of the day...

Tired. Emotional. Drained. Depleted.

In a service oriented job, the feeling around the office at the end of the week is ALL OF THE ABOVE. Hell, a day can leave me feeling that way.

"If you extend your soul to the hungry and satisfy the afflicted soul, then your light shall dawn in the darkness, and your darkness shall be as the noonday.

The Lord will guide you continually, and satisfy your soul in drought, and strengthen your bones; You shall be like a watered garden, and like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail."
Isaiah 58: 10-11 the bible


Isn't that what I want? Shouldn't I desire to give my ALL throughout the day? To pour myself out to others? To share in others sufferings, to be empathetic?

To feel and to therefore know I am ALIVE
(maybe this is not how the rest of you know you are alive?!)

Without faith, I couldn't make it, but knowing God's promise of refiling me and replenishing me through the Holy Spirit, I can be renewed and can be "poured out" once again tomorrow.

So, can I challenge you?

Don't complain. Don't be wary. Keep going, ministering, completing the tasks set ahead of you.

If you are like me at all, if I was NOT depleted at the end of the day, then I would be complaining that I was antsy and bored, with no one to effect and/or share life.

Let's take God up on His offer to make us "like waters that do not fail"!!

Thursday.

Jonathan is back to DC tonight. This is why Thursdays might be my fave night of the week. He is even (hopefully) getting on the early flight to arrive in time to go Sunset Serenades!

Sweet Reminder.

Rock of Ages, cleft for me, let me hide myself in thee; let the water and the blood, from thy wounded side which flowed, be of sin the double cure; save from wrath and make me pure.

2. Not the labors of my hands can fulfill thy law's commands; could my zeal no respite know, could my tears forever flow, all for sin could not atone; thou must save, and thou alone.

3. Nothing in my hand I bring, simply to the cross I cling; naked, come to thee for dress; helpless, look to thee for grace; foul, I to the fountain fly; wash me, Savior, or I die.

4. While I draw this fleeting breath, when mine eyes shall close in death, when I soar to worlds unknown, see thee on thy judgment throne, Rock of Ages, cleft for me, let me hide myself in thee

Listen at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mdu-iBPHtQ8

Words:
Au­gus­tus M. Top­la­dy, 1776.
Music:
Thom­as Hast­ings, 1830

Welcome DC's newest resident.

My sister, Ashley, has made the move to the District. We went to Screen on the Green last night....It's fun having her here! Welcome Sista!

Inspired

I love to read other people's blogs. I can spend a whole night reading, browsing, looking at others lives through the pictures and words of their blogs. Is this weird? Sometimes I think its a sad sign of our society...It feels so hard to connect in real life, that I resort to sitting on my couch alone, reading and "connecting" (but not really) to words and people, possibly worlds away. It is not uncommon for Jonathan to come and find me with tears flowing as I stare at the computer screen....after feeling and "being" with someone's suffering through their words.

And while I could sit here asking exisential questions all day about whether this is productive or maladaptive, instead I have decided to begin this, my own (public) journal of sorts. Inspiration from others who have gone before include components such as:


-Connection...I am able to relate to others in their experiences + keep in touch with some who are far away
-Conviction... My heart is convicted by others experiences and shared thoughts and emotions.
-Growth... I am challenged by others experiences. Maybe they are different than my own, maybe I don't agree with everything said, yet I grow by knowledge of more variety than my own perspective.
-Vulnerability...I can become calloused. Reading someone else's heartfelt words, break my hardness of heart and bring raw emotion to the surface. To feel.

May I be geniune and true. Or at least in my struggle to be so.

Ps- Does this thing have spell check?!