Change.

School started this week in the District of Columbia. All the kids have new, shiny shoes and fresh backpacks. The teachers are friendly and bright eyed when I introduce myself. Walls are newly painted.


Summer is ending. Fall is approaching.

Change. A new beginning.

When I was younger I hated change. My family has lived in the same house since I was born. At varying times, my parents would toy with the idea of moving and look at real estate; my sister and I would protest so much that the idea was eventually shelved. 1343 Campbell St. is still the Mahurin home. That house represented stability and if it changed, it seemed as if my world would shake.


My parents still have that house. They aren't even there very often, but it still offers some sense of comfort and tradition.

For example, at Christmas. I am 26 years old and every single Christmas of my life has been the exact same. Christmas Eve at our neighbors home. They are Cuban and its their close family members + the Gringos (us) and this tradition began before I was born and continues.....We did add martini's somewhere in there, so I guess there has been some change, and for the good!

Christmas morning, the "kids" (we've added Jonathan) still have to sit at the top of the staircase why the parents are at the bottom. When they give us the "ok", we can come down to open presents. This made sense when we were little and there were unwrapped things from Santa on display, like a new bike, or a sleeping bag with a big bow on it. Now there is no reason for it, we just do it because we always did. Its like what is going to happen if I bust down before Mom and Dad?!! ahhh craziness. After gift time, we are rushed through a pastry breakfast by Mom who is all of the sudden freaking out that we are going to be late getting to the relatives. We fight about the Christmas spirit being ruined and pack into the car. A hour on 1-4 and we arrive for Mom's side of the fam Christmas. Ridiculously great food, and a lot of it, by my culinary gifted Uncle, friendly banter, hugs from people I only see once a year, watching my precious grandmother open a sweater and dust buster from her family, and of course, random moments of the "Christmas Story" with Ralphie on TBS. Then we get back in the car and head back on I-4 to Orlando. We used to have to go back to the house to let our dog, Daisy, out, but now she died and that still makes me really sad. Man, I really want a dog (damn condo board, stiff asses!). Then we head to my Dad's side of the family Christmas. More food, but something like cold ham and veggie soup and olives that you can put on your fingers. Some more banter, hugs from people I see once a year but have known me my entire existence and all of the sudden its 10pm and I've seen every relative on my side (poor Lively's are totally neglected in this tradition). Busy day. And repeated every December 25th to a freaking tee.

Now here is my confession: I kinda want to go on a cruise for Christmas.


I've grown to like change. To crave it. To embrace it.

Maybe I'm rebelling against the extreme stability in my early life. After graduating from high school, I have lived in 7 different residences. 3 cities. 3 states/provinces. The fact that we bought something in DC sometimes makes me feel like I have a noose around my neck. I have lived here a year and LOVE this place (condo and city), but there is an "antsy" spirit inside that starts to itch.

Will I ever have roots again?

I want to explore. For something to be different everyday.

I love the changing seasons. I get sick of the current one and always embrace the new one coming. In Florida, not so much. You better get used to feeling warm.

Now back to this whole Christmas cruise thing, it's not going to happen. My family already allowed Jonathan "in" on our tradition and that was probably enough change for the next 10 years!! I just want a chance to get tan in the winter. Is that totally selfish? (I am still not adjusted to this whole NE pale skin thing...depressing in the most vain way)


Some perspective: When I was sharing some of my "extreme" views to the fam at some point this summer, kinda for shock value and not totally serious, my Dad pulled me aside and said something to the point of, well, we will not be able to have family vacations forever, suggesting that him and my Mom would be too old or sick or dead for time together. I'm not even going to go there because I am not ready for my parents to deal with any of the above (or me to deal with it by their side).

Soooooo trying to balance it all out....Change vs. Tradition?!

Can a person have it all?

I just love it...

In a simple way, this dance makes me happy.

Maybe its because I used to dance and it pricks my memory with positive experiences from long ago. Maybe its because the "story" told with the dance relates to my feelings of my husband traveling each week for work. Maybe I just think Chelsie is beautiful and expressive. Plus I dig the song.

Whatever reason, I like it. Makes me want to grab my ballet slippers and leap around!!

I have many more profound thoughts on my mind, but for this Saturday a simple joy such as a dance routine to a pop song will do just fine.

At the end of the day...

Tired. Emotional. Drained. Depleted.

In a service oriented job, the feeling around the office at the end of the week is ALL OF THE ABOVE. Hell, a day can leave me feeling that way.

"If you extend your soul to the hungry and satisfy the afflicted soul, then your light shall dawn in the darkness, and your darkness shall be as the noonday.

The Lord will guide you continually, and satisfy your soul in drought, and strengthen your bones; You shall be like a watered garden, and like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail."
Isaiah 58: 10-11 the bible


Isn't that what I want? Shouldn't I desire to give my ALL throughout the day? To pour myself out to others? To share in others sufferings, to be empathetic?

To feel and to therefore know I am ALIVE
(maybe this is not how the rest of you know you are alive?!)

Without faith, I couldn't make it, but knowing God's promise of refiling me and replenishing me through the Holy Spirit, I can be renewed and can be "poured out" once again tomorrow.

So, can I challenge you?

Don't complain. Don't be wary. Keep going, ministering, completing the tasks set ahead of you.

If you are like me at all, if I was NOT depleted at the end of the day, then I would be complaining that I was antsy and bored, with no one to effect and/or share life.

Let's take God up on His offer to make us "like waters that do not fail"!!

Thursday.

Jonathan is back to DC tonight. This is why Thursdays might be my fave night of the week. He is even (hopefully) getting on the early flight to arrive in time to go Sunset Serenades!

Sweet Reminder.

Rock of Ages, cleft for me, let me hide myself in thee; let the water and the blood, from thy wounded side which flowed, be of sin the double cure; save from wrath and make me pure.

2. Not the labors of my hands can fulfill thy law's commands; could my zeal no respite know, could my tears forever flow, all for sin could not atone; thou must save, and thou alone.

3. Nothing in my hand I bring, simply to the cross I cling; naked, come to thee for dress; helpless, look to thee for grace; foul, I to the fountain fly; wash me, Savior, or I die.

4. While I draw this fleeting breath, when mine eyes shall close in death, when I soar to worlds unknown, see thee on thy judgment throne, Rock of Ages, cleft for me, let me hide myself in thee

Listen at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mdu-iBPHtQ8

Words:
Au­gus­tus M. Top­la­dy, 1776.
Music:
Thom­as Hast­ings, 1830

Welcome DC's newest resident.

My sister, Ashley, has made the move to the District. We went to Screen on the Green last night....It's fun having her here! Welcome Sista!

Inspired

I love to read other people's blogs. I can spend a whole night reading, browsing, looking at others lives through the pictures and words of their blogs. Is this weird? Sometimes I think its a sad sign of our society...It feels so hard to connect in real life, that I resort to sitting on my couch alone, reading and "connecting" (but not really) to words and people, possibly worlds away. It is not uncommon for Jonathan to come and find me with tears flowing as I stare at the computer screen....after feeling and "being" with someone's suffering through their words.

And while I could sit here asking exisential questions all day about whether this is productive or maladaptive, instead I have decided to begin this, my own (public) journal of sorts. Inspiration from others who have gone before include components such as:


-Connection...I am able to relate to others in their experiences + keep in touch with some who are far away
-Conviction... My heart is convicted by others experiences and shared thoughts and emotions.
-Growth... I am challenged by others experiences. Maybe they are different than my own, maybe I don't agree with everything said, yet I grow by knowledge of more variety than my own perspective.
-Vulnerability...I can become calloused. Reading someone else's heartfelt words, break my hardness of heart and bring raw emotion to the surface. To feel.

May I be geniune and true. Or at least in my struggle to be so.

Ps- Does this thing have spell check?!