So...Are you like religious or something?

I have started and stopped this entry several times. I am still not sure of what to write.

Since the short life of this blog, I've had a few people question me with such comments as, "Are you really religious or something?" "Evangelical"?

This felt confrontational to me, and while I don't know the motives/thoughts behind the questioning, I have been doing a lot of thinking about my uncertainty of how to answer.

My first thought is to cringe at the words religious/evangelical. My mind goes to politics and super conservative people in the news like Jerry Falwell, or even Joel Osteen (smile!), and people I don't want to be "classified" with as the same....

But here's the thing, who would I want to be associated with in this crazy world? Honestly, I feel like I am floating between worlds of "Christian" and "Secular" and trying to find what that looks like in a person.

My beliefs. I do believe that Jesus lived on this earth as a person to know mankind and to ultimately give His own life for my salvation. He died for me. He died for you. If that makes me "religious" just for that, then fine, label me.

However, keep looking.....I don't like the institutional church. Sometimes if I go to a church service, I leave more enraged and angered than when I came. Maybe its me. Maybe its the institutional church. However, I soak up fellowship with people. Real, vulnerable people. Relationships. Sharing life with someone else. Maybe this person shares similar beliefs about God, maybe they don't, or maybe I don't know their beliefs, really I don't care. As people, we are more similar than we like to admit. My desires, dreams, worries are pretty similar at their core than yours, even if our day to day lives look pretty different.

I think that a prostitute, a homeless person, or someone else that society might frown upon could be closer to the heart of God than a lot of church goers in this country. Pride and judgement of others is something I loathe and they seem far from Jesus' heart and example from His days on earth.

Actually, it was the church goers, He rebuked and to the unfaithful woman He showed much grace. He came to set up free from "religion" and rules to live an abundant life. Sadly, I don't see many Christians walking in that freedom today. It's easy to see why so many are "put off" by Christianity these days.

My own journey of faith has gone down different paths from not really believing anything, to being legalistic in religion, to really questioning, and now I am at a place in which I am striving to be true in my relationship with Christ and on a never ending quest to see what that looks like in my life. I want to love people with mercy and compassion. To accept, not judge. To heal, not convict.

All I know is God's faithfulness to me. That doesn't mean I haven't had hard times, or really questioned, but all in all, I believe and trust in His goodness. I hope hope hope!! that I will continue to, regardless of what is ahead. I don't understand everything or have many answers. I can speak only from my own experiences with a personal God who has shown me His presence and touch. And this doesn't mean I haven't messed up, I have and I have A LOT, but that is the thing about God's grace...It is real and healing. It brings you home and rejoices in your return. Like the one lost sheep, like the prodigal son.....And trust me, if this God will do it for ME, He shall also give ALL for YOU.