2011. "Many are the plans in a man's (or woman's) heart....

....but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails," Proverbs 19:21.

May I bind this in my heart and mind. May I think of it when I rise and when I wake.

2011. Hello. What is to come in this new year? Will it be good? Will it be hard? Sometimes, I have the sense that things are very good in my life and something bad is around the corner. Oh, Lord, give me faith. You give, you take away. I am gifted with life on this earth, however, long or short, with the purpose of giving God glory and praise and to have the humbling opportunity to be the hands and feet of Jesus. To give hope. To "be" with others as I imagine Jesus was when he walked the earth. Yes, He healed people. Yes, He taught. But He did this while "being" with people, in sharing life, having meals, walking, fishing, experiencing the day to day with normal people.

Mark 14:12-13 says, (Jesus is talking) "I tell you the truth, anyone who has faith in me will do what I have been doing. He will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father. And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Son may bring glory to the Father. You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it".

How humbling that Jesus was saying that we (as believers) would do as He did when He walked the earth, with the power of the Holy Spirit and in the power of the name of Jesus. And He gave us permission to use His name for ministry.

I often encounter sufferings, injustices, and situations, tragedies, traumas that break my heart day in and out (God is good to heal me and fill me up continually and often, or else I couldn't keep going) from my job and the families I form relationships with because they come to our agency. This is a special opportunity that I really take seriously and am humbled often. While its a "job" and I have education in a certain area, really, I use myself as a person the most at my job. So that means it does not just separate and compartmentalize into "job" and "other life". It is all life and influences me without difference.

Personally, I have felt loss, sadness, regrets, heartache, too. In early December, I mentioned a friend of the family completing suicide and losing her life. This past week, I found out about someone I knew a few years ago, choosing to end his life by suicide. There is no way to reason with such a tragedy, it's very sad and make me feel sick to think that any person gets to that day and feels no hope or no sense that things will or could get better. Can you imagine? I put myself in that situation and what it would feel like: very dark, so lost, smelling of the Enemy trying to destroy and kill (literally) as he lurks around this world. My stomach feels sick at its pit and I weep for sorrow for these dears ones I knew and others like them who are very sad and without hope.

Then I long for more, long for eternity, for God to show himself and that all might bow down and worship Him. For the sufferings to end....

Our time is so limited. My time is limited. 2011, another year is here and Lord, what do you have? How can I be helpful? Keep me fine tuned to your voice, give me your wisdom and leadings. Fill me up so I will be like a well that never runs dry so I can "be" with people in the world (they are all your children), to meet them where they are at, if they know You or do not (I should treat them the same, with grace), to love and encourage my family and friends as well as those I work with as peers, colleagues and then those families that I meet through the role you've given me as "work". Help me to accept when I need help and sanctification and repentance. To not run from my own inadequacies but to be humble in asking for help and support and places I need to tweak. I am weak and a sinner and need You. Only you.

" I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing," John 15:5.