When you think about the homeless, what comes to mind....

Do you wonder how they got to this point?

Do you judge?

Do you think about that this could be your friend from grade school, your uncle, your sibling? Or does it feel like that is so far from possible?

Do you blame? Do you attribute the homelessness to drug use? Drinking? Mental Illness?

I have had all the above thoughts, questions and assumptions, but my experience with real people, who happen to be homeless, has been drastic to change my thinking in the past few years.

That is the biggest things about assumptions. They often come when you don't know a REAL person with (often biased) struggles and you assume that they are so different than you. The more I am with people and know them, the more I see our similarities, rather than our differences. I like this. I like people and sharing life with them, and experiences. And being open to their experiences and in sharing my own.

Homelessness. Saturday was the Walk for the Homeless on the National Mall. My agency participated to help raise money and our agency is a benefactor from the fundraising, because we have housing programs to reduce homelessness. So, the topic of homelessness has been more "in my face" than normal in light of this walk and working to raise awareness in DC and the country.

Before the walk, on Friday afternoon, my last meeting of the day was to meet a new family. This is one of my favorite parts of my role. I, along with the case manager on my team, meet for the first time with a child or teen and his/her parent/grandparent/caregiver. A precious family tells us their story. They invite us in. They trust us. Of course, this doesn't always happen immediately, but its a beautiful beginning and I always leave feeling humbled, inspired and changed. I want to always be pliable. I want each story, each life, each family to change me. I have so much to learn.

What timing! This meeting on Friday was at a family shelter in DC. The family has been homeless and now feel fortunate enough to be in a shelter. A shelter that is in the same complex of the DC jail and the DC morgue. It is very odd that all of these entities exist on the same property and very close to one another. We couldn't find the right building, and ended up in the morgue, while trying to find a family shelter. Doesn't that just seem wrong?

As this family welcomed us into their room, which is currently their "home", we sat on the child's bed, and worked to engage an anxious, sad, withdrawn little boy. He is precious. There were so many moments during that hour and a half that broke my heart. My stomach fluttered. My eyes burned, as I resisted tears. We left with hopes to meet this family again next week, inspired from a mother who is a survivor, who is fighting for her family, a young boy who worries about going into foster care because they can't find a place to live (but he doesn't want to leave his family), a teenage girl who helps her little brother with homework every night because their mother can't read....Yet, they sing songs in the dark when they go to sleep (all in the same tiny room at the shelter), they joke and name the mice, which scamper around at night, they plan for the future, they have hope, they dream, they know it can get better, they are thankful to have one another and to have someone to fight for and with against the battles they face. Their trauma and past tragedy felt so real, yet so did their survival and resilience.

As we "walked for homelessness" on the national mall in DC on Saturday, this family was forefront my mind. I can't stop thinking about them. I hope you will have an opportunity to know people in different walks of life than you. That causes like "homelessness" will not be vague crusades, but that you will have a chance to meet real people, to hear stories and see faces that are influenced by homelessness. By mental illness. By HIV and Aids. By poverty. By sexual abuse. By trauma. There are many stories to be told and listeners are needed.

P.S. - I just saw "For Colored Girls". This will be another blog post, when I can refuel my emotional energy. I recommend it highly but it is difficult to watch. Throw off your blinders and open your self to the experiences of others. This is one way to "listen" to someone's story.

To be content.

If I were to go through my journals (and maybe even this blog), I would find much about being content. Mostly around my struggle to be content regardless of my circumstances (In Philippians 4:12, Paul shares "I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength."

While I have always had earthly security and abundance such as a warm and stable home, loving supports, and more than enough financial provisions, my heart struggles to be at rest and content. If I make it to be an old woman, I wonder if I will continue to write and pray and work on this heart issue?

In psych 101, I remember learning about some named phenomenon (I don't even remember the psychological) where people are always waiting until the next "stage" in life and only then, will they be happy. Similarly, the well known quote, "Happiness is a journey, not a destination," stressing to be content and present in each moment, each step of the way, because this is in fact life. Another saying, "Life is what happens when you are making plans," comes to mind. Pop culture is filled with this philosophy of being content.

I wonder what the Lord means for us each day in this? I struggle between being present and content and wanting to DO and ACT to make things happen and better and more meaningful. I don't know if that is wrong or right. Most likely, there is a balance that I must find. How to be making changes (sanctification!) but also content and present for today. I'm not even a super big planner, I like being spontaneous and rebel against "plans" but the bigger contentedness of being satisfied and that our life is purposeful and good and all of that, is the hard part for me.

Although I can mouth off all the things I am "grateful" for in my life and my head knows I am SO freaking blessed with every piece of the pie, my heart feels like a fraud. Something feels off. While I don't think I need to be at the top of the roller coaster with being "happy" all the time, I need to be more at rest and okay with myself and my situation, even when this restlessness and sadness seems to be more consistent than not for a few weeks. Maybe its the sun setting at 5pm, the weather cooling off, the holidays looming...This time of the year can be a struggle for me for some reason. Maybe its because everyone seems to love it so much and I just can't "fake" it. How cynical and bah hum bug of me. But if I can't vent on the Internet and with you, friends, then I am really not being present and real! However, I am a work in progress and I know that the Lord's grace will sustain me and continue to teach me....Hopefully, if I make it to be that old woman, I can share wisdom to younger ladies searching for more, when MORE is already here! Right?!

P.S.- I just realized that my last post was all about me being content.....ahhh. See what I mean? Battle. Up and down. Jonathan's says something is not right in my head at times. Maybe. Is that just how woman are (and that is such a man response)? But I do not claim that in the name of Jesus and I claim sanity and clarity, haha. Kidding, but not really, I do need it in big dosages! Do you know what I do all day? I love, love, love it but it can be A LOT if I don't get filled up by the Lord, because I can be zapped and drained quickly!