Today is our two year wedding anniversary. September 30, 2006 was a truly wonderful day.
Happy Anniversary, Honey!
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
So...Are you like religious or something?
I have started and stopped this entry several times. I am still not sure of what to write.
Since the short life of this blog, I've had a few people question me with such comments as, "Are you really religious or something?" "Evangelical"?
This felt confrontational to me, and while I don't know the motives/thoughts behind the questioning, I have been doing a lot of thinking about my uncertainty of how to answer.
My first thought is to cringe at the words religious/evangelical. My mind goes to politics and super conservative people in the news like Jerry Falwell, or even Joel Osteen (smile!), and people I don't want to be "classified" with as the same....
But here's the thing, who would I want to be associated with in this crazy world? Honestly, I feel like I am floating between worlds of "Christian" and "Secular" and trying to find what that looks like in a person.
My beliefs. I do believe that Jesus lived on this earth as a person to know mankind and to ultimately give His own life for my salvation. He died for me. He died for you. If that makes me "religious" just for that, then fine, label me.
However, keep looking.....I don't like the institutional church. Sometimes if I go to a church service, I leave more enraged and angered than when I came. Maybe its me. Maybe its the institutional church. However, I soak up fellowship with people. Real, vulnerable people. Relationships. Sharing life with someone else. Maybe this person shares similar beliefs about God, maybe they don't, or maybe I don't know their beliefs, really I don't care. As people, we are more similar than we like to admit. My desires, dreams, worries are pretty similar at their core than yours, even if our day to day lives look pretty different.
I think that a prostitute, a homeless person, or someone else that society might frown upon could be closer to the heart of God than a lot of church goers in this country. Pride and judgement of others is something I loathe and they seem far from Jesus' heart and example from His days on earth.
Actually, it was the church goers, He rebuked and to the unfaithful woman He showed much grace. He came to set up free from "religion" and rules to live an abundant life. Sadly, I don't see many Christians walking in that freedom today. It's easy to see why so many are "put off" by Christianity these days.
My own journey of faith has gone down different paths from not really believing anything, to being legalistic in religion, to really questioning, and now I am at a place in which I am striving to be true in my relationship with Christ and on a never ending quest to see what that looks like in my life. I want to love people with mercy and compassion. To accept, not judge. To heal, not convict.
All I know is God's faithfulness to me. That doesn't mean I haven't had hard times, or really questioned, but all in all, I believe and trust in His goodness. I hope hope hope!! that I will continue to, regardless of what is ahead. I don't understand everything or have many answers. I can speak only from my own experiences with a personal God who has shown me His presence and touch. And this doesn't mean I haven't messed up, I have and I have A LOT, but that is the thing about God's grace...It is real and healing. It brings you home and rejoices in your return. Like the one lost sheep, like the prodigal son.....And trust me, if this God will do it for ME, He shall also give ALL for YOU.
Since the short life of this blog, I've had a few people question me with such comments as, "Are you really religious or something?" "Evangelical"?
This felt confrontational to me, and while I don't know the motives/thoughts behind the questioning, I have been doing a lot of thinking about my uncertainty of how to answer.
My first thought is to cringe at the words religious/evangelical. My mind goes to politics and super conservative people in the news like Jerry Falwell, or even Joel Osteen (smile!), and people I don't want to be "classified" with as the same....
But here's the thing, who would I want to be associated with in this crazy world? Honestly, I feel like I am floating between worlds of "Christian" and "Secular" and trying to find what that looks like in a person.
My beliefs. I do believe that Jesus lived on this earth as a person to know mankind and to ultimately give His own life for my salvation. He died for me. He died for you. If that makes me "religious" just for that, then fine, label me.
However, keep looking.....I don't like the institutional church. Sometimes if I go to a church service, I leave more enraged and angered than when I came. Maybe its me. Maybe its the institutional church. However, I soak up fellowship with people. Real, vulnerable people. Relationships. Sharing life with someone else. Maybe this person shares similar beliefs about God, maybe they don't, or maybe I don't know their beliefs, really I don't care. As people, we are more similar than we like to admit. My desires, dreams, worries are pretty similar at their core than yours, even if our day to day lives look pretty different.
I think that a prostitute, a homeless person, or someone else that society might frown upon could be closer to the heart of God than a lot of church goers in this country. Pride and judgement of others is something I loathe and they seem far from Jesus' heart and example from His days on earth.
Actually, it was the church goers, He rebuked and to the unfaithful woman He showed much grace. He came to set up free from "religion" and rules to live an abundant life. Sadly, I don't see many Christians walking in that freedom today. It's easy to see why so many are "put off" by Christianity these days.
My own journey of faith has gone down different paths from not really believing anything, to being legalistic in religion, to really questioning, and now I am at a place in which I am striving to be true in my relationship with Christ and on a never ending quest to see what that looks like in my life. I want to love people with mercy and compassion. To accept, not judge. To heal, not convict.
All I know is God's faithfulness to me. That doesn't mean I haven't had hard times, or really questioned, but all in all, I believe and trust in His goodness. I hope hope hope!! that I will continue to, regardless of what is ahead. I don't understand everything or have many answers. I can speak only from my own experiences with a personal God who has shown me His presence and touch. And this doesn't mean I haven't messed up, I have and I have A LOT, but that is the thing about God's grace...It is real and healing. It brings you home and rejoices in your return. Like the one lost sheep, like the prodigal son.....And trust me, if this God will do it for ME, He shall also give ALL for YOU.
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
surprise.
Wow.
So, its Wednesday night. I had a normal, fine day. Not great. Not bad. When I got in my car to leave my last work duty for the day, I couldn't get the car to start. The key wouldn't turn. I kept trying to move the steering wheel, thinking it was locked. Still nothing. Ugh. When this kind of thing happens, I immediately turn rageful. I have no patience and this awful personality emerges. I call Jonathan (in Michigan) as if he SHOULD be able to do something to help my stupid car key turner to fulfill its reason for existing. I am short and rude to him because he can't miraculously turn it through the cell phone waves.
I call the emergency road side assistance. I don't qualify because I don't need a battery jump (or at least that is my professional assessment) and am not ready to commit to have it towed to a repair shop. The kind operator connects to me a car dealership on the west coast so I can talk to a mechanic (b/c its 6:30pm in dc and ones here will be closed). I ask a mechanic in Santa Monica, CA, if he knows how i can get my key to turn in my stupid, not working (for the moment) vehicle. He gives me a few tips and voila! the key turns. I squeal, tell him he is my hero for this night, feel like a stupid, dumb girl, who can't get her car to work, and drive away, more emotionally exhausted than I anticipated.
I had no reason not to work out for the night. That had been my intention and plan. However, when I got home, just not feeling it. But I'm bored. Unfortunately, its the kind of bored that does not want to relieve itself from the state and seek out entertainment such as gym time, or a phone call to a friend, or a visit with my sister who lives .2 miles away. So I just sat. Drank a blue moon. Perused Facebook. Felt lazy about not catching up on paperwork. Texted my hubby that I missed him.
Its nights like this that I want him home. I don't want to do anything really. But I want him to sit next to me. Watching guests on Larry King yell at each other over presidential candidates, him typing away on his laptop or watching that show mythbusters, for him to tell me to get off of Facebook and repeat his lack of love for the social network, for me to get annoyed that he never puts his dishes away, for him to bicker that I leave the a/c on too much....
I was about to have a pity party for myself when I hear the key turn in our door and....
SURPRISE! He totally fooled me and got home a day earlier from travels....
Wow. I am not even surprised very easily (I am the kind of person who always finds out about surprises but will never never tell i knew about it because I don't want to ruin it for the planner!). But this was a genuine surprise.
Got to go, so I can soak up this boring night with my hubby!
So, its Wednesday night. I had a normal, fine day. Not great. Not bad. When I got in my car to leave my last work duty for the day, I couldn't get the car to start. The key wouldn't turn. I kept trying to move the steering wheel, thinking it was locked. Still nothing. Ugh. When this kind of thing happens, I immediately turn rageful. I have no patience and this awful personality emerges. I call Jonathan (in Michigan) as if he SHOULD be able to do something to help my stupid car key turner to fulfill its reason for existing. I am short and rude to him because he can't miraculously turn it through the cell phone waves.
I call the emergency road side assistance. I don't qualify because I don't need a battery jump (or at least that is my professional assessment) and am not ready to commit to have it towed to a repair shop. The kind operator connects to me a car dealership on the west coast so I can talk to a mechanic (b/c its 6:30pm in dc and ones here will be closed). I ask a mechanic in Santa Monica, CA, if he knows how i can get my key to turn in my stupid, not working (for the moment) vehicle. He gives me a few tips and voila! the key turns. I squeal, tell him he is my hero for this night, feel like a stupid, dumb girl, who can't get her car to work, and drive away, more emotionally exhausted than I anticipated.
I had no reason not to work out for the night. That had been my intention and plan. However, when I got home, just not feeling it. But I'm bored. Unfortunately, its the kind of bored that does not want to relieve itself from the state and seek out entertainment such as gym time, or a phone call to a friend, or a visit with my sister who lives .2 miles away. So I just sat. Drank a blue moon. Perused Facebook. Felt lazy about not catching up on paperwork. Texted my hubby that I missed him.
Its nights like this that I want him home. I don't want to do anything really. But I want him to sit next to me. Watching guests on Larry King yell at each other over presidential candidates, him typing away on his laptop or watching that show mythbusters, for him to tell me to get off of Facebook and repeat his lack of love for the social network, for me to get annoyed that he never puts his dishes away, for him to bicker that I leave the a/c on too much....
I was about to have a pity party for myself when I hear the key turn in our door and....
SURPRISE! He totally fooled me and got home a day earlier from travels....
Wow. I am not even surprised very easily (I am the kind of person who always finds out about surprises but will never never tell i knew about it because I don't want to ruin it for the planner!). But this was a genuine surprise.
Got to go, so I can soak up this boring night with my hubby!
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Life of the Beloved.
"Aren't you, like me, hoping that some person, thing, or event will come along to give you that final feeling of inner well-being you desire? Don't you often hope," May this book, idea, course, trip, job, country, or relationship fulfill my deepest desire?"
"The loneliness, the homelessness, and the addictiveness of people are all too visible. Yet all these people yearn for a blessing. That blessing can be given only by those who have heard it themselves...I must tell you that claiming your own blessedness always leads to a deep desire to bless others."
"I am convinced that healing is often so difficult because we don't want to know the pain...The first step to healing is not a step away from the pain, but a step toward it."
"Our real gift is not so much what we can do, but who we are. The real question is not, "What can we offer each other?" but "Who can we BE for each other?"
"When I ask myself, "Who helps me the most?" I must answer, "The one who is willing to share his or her life with me".
"The world is evil only when you become its slave...The great struggle facing you is not to leave the world, to reject your ambitions and aspirations, or to despise money, prestige, or success, but to claim your spiritual truth and to live in the world as someone who doesn't belong to it."
I recently read Henri Nouwen's "Life of the Beloved" and the above are from his writings....
Striving to listen to His voice saying, "You are my beloved". I hope the same for you in your journey.
"The loneliness, the homelessness, and the addictiveness of people are all too visible. Yet all these people yearn for a blessing. That blessing can be given only by those who have heard it themselves...I must tell you that claiming your own blessedness always leads to a deep desire to bless others."
"I am convinced that healing is often so difficult because we don't want to know the pain...The first step to healing is not a step away from the pain, but a step toward it."
"Our real gift is not so much what we can do, but who we are. The real question is not, "What can we offer each other?" but "Who can we BE for each other?"
"When I ask myself, "Who helps me the most?" I must answer, "The one who is willing to share his or her life with me".
"The world is evil only when you become its slave...The great struggle facing you is not to leave the world, to reject your ambitions and aspirations, or to despise money, prestige, or success, but to claim your spiritual truth and to live in the world as someone who doesn't belong to it."
I recently read Henri Nouwen's "Life of the Beloved" and the above are from his writings....
Striving to listen to His voice saying, "You are my beloved". I hope the same for you in your journey.
Friday, September 5, 2008
a kind deed.
As I was looking for parking today near my office, I found a spot with a meter and was in the process of rummaging around for change, while still sitting in my car. A call pulled up next to me and the guy motioned for me to roll down my window. When I did, he told me he just left his spot across the street and there was still an hour and a half on the meter, so I could hop right in...Wooohoo. This is a REALLY great thing because I am always short on change, since I have to use it all the time for parking and the lovely laundry machines.
This random guy didn't have to come all the way over to my side of the street to tell me about his open and already paid for spot. It made me think that I probably wouldn't have taken the time to help a stranger, right?
So, thank you kind Sir and hopefully in the future I will be more "kind deed" conscious in my own day to day duties, as a result of your inspiration.
This random guy didn't have to come all the way over to my side of the street to tell me about his open and already paid for spot. It made me think that I probably wouldn't have taken the time to help a stranger, right?
So, thank you kind Sir and hopefully in the future I will be more "kind deed" conscious in my own day to day duties, as a result of your inspiration.
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