Ya know all that "self soothing" that I did last night?
Well, I don't think it worked.
I just about had a passive panic attack because on the way home from work, I realized that I had left the stove ON boiling some chicken. It was on very low heat, but our stove is gas and that means an open flame and I thought surely I had just burned down our home and 41 other units in our building.
Truly, this is what is feels like to lose one's mind. I have never done something like that before.
Thank you JESUS that I walked in to a very terrible burned chicken (and pan) smell, but no smoke or fire or damage.WOW.
I am thankful, but my heart is still beating quickly and I feel like an idiot.
So, I need intervention. Self soothing help. My plan did not work. What is next? Alcohol? Prayer and meditation? Both....?
At least my hubby comes home tonight. I hope he can have a calming effect on me. He might want to run the other direction when he takes in the terrible burnt smell and sees the nicely ruined pot.
Positives: Tomorrow is Friday. And now I am going to a run (and buy new chicken breasts for the dinner I was supposed to make). And I rescheduled at the spa for a massage on Monday. Even better, they are going to give it to me complimentary because they botched the scheduling. That pretty much makes it worth it! (AND, I still can't feel badly about the skirt, shirt and sunglasses I bought last night on BananaRepublic.com all on sale and with an additional 25% off).
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Self Soothing Required
To self soothe. Ahhh, what a catch phrase. I see this many times a day as I review, edit and write treatment plans; Skills such as self soothing are ones that we try to teach our youngsters and parents via community mental health.
We might practice relaxation techniques with a child. Belly breathing perhaps. Do you remember this from choir practice? I remember laying on the floor with a solo cup on my stomach. The idea is that the solo cup rises, because you breath deeply in your lungs so your stomach goes up. And so does the cup. A visual aid does wonders for a child, and adult. I still struggle with "belly breathing" but I am not afraid to lay on the floor of my office with a kiddo and mom to give it one more shot. Maybe my choir teacher lied to me. If so, I need to know before I continue this malarkey.
What about progressive muscle relaxation? Now, I have my drama teacher to thank for this one. I remember in middle school laying down on the floor (seems to be a theme) and "tightening and releasing" the muscles of the body, led by a dramatic narrative from our teacher. Then I took a high level psych class in graduate school (and paid a few thousand dollars) to learn that same exact thing. I even had to tape myself saying the narrative and turn it in for "review". Something I conquered in 7th grade cost me a pretty penny to have a PhD.D. professor listen to my voice on a cassette years later (maybe my parents can now feel good about private school education. Not the graduate school one, but the 7th grade one, ha).
Other self soothing: we might listen to music, help teenagers make lists, make self soothing boxes with lots of ideas of ways to calm down when upset, count to 10 (although I have had many a 10 year old say, "Ms. Heather, counting to 10 does NOT work! I need something new!", and who can blame hims and hers, that does sounds kinda lame!). Take a bubble bath. Snuggle with someone you love. Talk it out. Take a walk.
Don't: smoke marijuana, have aimless sex, self harm, yell at your mom, run out the house, get in a fight, etc, etc....
See there, you could now lead a skill building session on self soothing and even bill medicaid, if you can throw in some therapeutic words (and of course, actually provide the service).
While my day did NOT include this (read about my friend's Lacie's terrible day), it was quite horrible as well. I do not need to divulge all the gritty details, but yesterday and today were troubling for me at work and I felt real fear for my safety. To lose your peace of mind is priceless. This is a risk working with mentally ill people, but I've never felt directly threatened. I am working through it, to say the least.
God must have known it was going to be a rough week because on Monday (before all this happened) I booked a massage for this evening. My long run on Saturday left my body in bad shape and a pain in my upper buttocks (so proper) continued to ail me, so I thought that surely warranted a little sports massage. I mean I have to be in proper condition for the big race.
So, I left work early to decompress a bit and prepped for my big massage. I leisurely walk to the spa, enjoying the cooler weather, to show up at the desk to realize they don't have me booked and I cannot actually get the massage tonight. HUGE self soothing FAIL. What disappointment. How could a day get worse? I know it actually could, by lots of terrible things that really do matter, but at that moment the news that I would not be getting my ass worked by skilled hands really sent me into the dumps.
Self soothe resiliency action plan went into action. Go to the grocery store. Fix a plate from the "hot meal line" including one drummette of fried chicken, some Kraft type looking macaroni and cheese (ya know, bright orange "fake" cheese) and mashed potatoes. Pick up one slice of chocolate cake from the deli. Pick up sweet tea (hard to find in the North, but I got the full calorie kind in a bottle). One People style watch magazine. 2 DVDs from the Red box (I had to pick ones that are totally girly and lame and that Jonathan would never allow on the weekends).
Jonathan is away, which really stinks on a night like this, but I have my comfort food and DVDs to hopefully lighten my mood. Self soothing resiliency prevails! As well as, (I hope) a continued positive outlook for my life work and how to go about my day to day feeling safe and at peace. If only that were as simple as eating some comfort food and numbing the mind with some "rom com's" and magazines.
I have always bounced back. Cheers and optimism to that.
**********************************************************************************
P.S.- I just went on bananarepublic.com and they are having a sale. If you spend $100, then you get 25% off. Yikes. Now we are in trouble. Let's see, I didn't spend money on the massage so....
See, Jonathan, you really should have caught a flight home to rescue (or supervise) your wife from her misery. So she doesn't spend money in attempts to self soothe. A few lbs from carbohydrates are one things, but banana republic can do more lasting harm.
We might practice relaxation techniques with a child. Belly breathing perhaps. Do you remember this from choir practice? I remember laying on the floor with a solo cup on my stomach. The idea is that the solo cup rises, because you breath deeply in your lungs so your stomach goes up. And so does the cup. A visual aid does wonders for a child, and adult. I still struggle with "belly breathing" but I am not afraid to lay on the floor of my office with a kiddo and mom to give it one more shot. Maybe my choir teacher lied to me. If so, I need to know before I continue this malarkey.
What about progressive muscle relaxation? Now, I have my drama teacher to thank for this one. I remember in middle school laying down on the floor (seems to be a theme) and "tightening and releasing" the muscles of the body, led by a dramatic narrative from our teacher. Then I took a high level psych class in graduate school (and paid a few thousand dollars) to learn that same exact thing. I even had to tape myself saying the narrative and turn it in for "review". Something I conquered in 7th grade cost me a pretty penny to have a PhD.D. professor listen to my voice on a cassette years later (maybe my parents can now feel good about private school education. Not the graduate school one, but the 7th grade one, ha).
Other self soothing: we might listen to music, help teenagers make lists, make self soothing boxes with lots of ideas of ways to calm down when upset, count to 10 (although I have had many a 10 year old say, "Ms. Heather, counting to 10 does NOT work! I need something new!", and who can blame hims and hers, that does sounds kinda lame!). Take a bubble bath. Snuggle with someone you love. Talk it out. Take a walk.
Don't: smoke marijuana, have aimless sex, self harm, yell at your mom, run out the house, get in a fight, etc, etc....
See there, you could now lead a skill building session on self soothing and even bill medicaid, if you can throw in some therapeutic words (and of course, actually provide the service).
While my day did NOT include this (read about my friend's Lacie's terrible day), it was quite horrible as well. I do not need to divulge all the gritty details, but yesterday and today were troubling for me at work and I felt real fear for my safety. To lose your peace of mind is priceless. This is a risk working with mentally ill people, but I've never felt directly threatened. I am working through it, to say the least.
God must have known it was going to be a rough week because on Monday (before all this happened) I booked a massage for this evening. My long run on Saturday left my body in bad shape and a pain in my upper buttocks (so proper) continued to ail me, so I thought that surely warranted a little sports massage. I mean I have to be in proper condition for the big race.
So, I left work early to decompress a bit and prepped for my big massage. I leisurely walk to the spa, enjoying the cooler weather, to show up at the desk to realize they don't have me booked and I cannot actually get the massage tonight. HUGE self soothing FAIL. What disappointment. How could a day get worse? I know it actually could, by lots of terrible things that really do matter, but at that moment the news that I would not be getting my ass worked by skilled hands really sent me into the dumps.
Self soothe resiliency action plan went into action. Go to the grocery store. Fix a plate from the "hot meal line" including one drummette of fried chicken, some Kraft type looking macaroni and cheese (ya know, bright orange "fake" cheese) and mashed potatoes. Pick up one slice of chocolate cake from the deli. Pick up sweet tea (hard to find in the North, but I got the full calorie kind in a bottle). One People style watch magazine. 2 DVDs from the Red box (I had to pick ones that are totally girly and lame and that Jonathan would never allow on the weekends).
Jonathan is away, which really stinks on a night like this, but I have my comfort food and DVDs to hopefully lighten my mood. Self soothing resiliency prevails! As well as, (I hope) a continued positive outlook for my life work and how to go about my day to day feeling safe and at peace. If only that were as simple as eating some comfort food and numbing the mind with some "rom com's" and magazines.
I have always bounced back. Cheers and optimism to that.
**********************************************************************************
P.S.- I just went on bananarepublic.com and they are having a sale. If you spend $100, then you get 25% off. Yikes. Now we are in trouble. Let's see, I didn't spend money on the massage so....
See, Jonathan, you really should have caught a flight home to rescue (or supervise) your wife from her misery. So she doesn't spend money in attempts to self soothe. A few lbs from carbohydrates are one things, but banana republic can do more lasting harm.
Monday, August 16, 2010
Training lessons
I have never considered myself a runner. I still do not consider myself a runner. But I am slowly becoming one in some sort of fashion.
In June, I started training for a half marathon, which is coming up quickly on Labor Day weekend. It really has been amazing. I've never pushed myself in such a physical way. Scared of failure, I've never signed up for anything like this because I honestly thought there is no way I could actually do it. Well, I am doing it! And this is not to boast of myself, becuase it really has been quite humbling. I've learned a lot about training. Training my body and my mind and how this can relate to other disciplines in life.
I followed this plan for running each week and slowly building my mileage. The plan worked. While at the beginning 3 miles was all I could run, I ran 11 miles this past Saturday! Only a few more until the 13.1 for the race. And it's been fun. Not every run, but towards the end, as I've realized its working, it's been joyful and worth it. As I ran this past Saturday, I was thanking God for legs and a body to be able to do this, for health, for a beautiful city for run through (quite some scenery) and a partner and sister to share it with me. God is faithful. We often don't thank Him for the very things around us. For moments. But it is these moments that make up a lifetime. As cheesy as that sounds, I am learning this day in and day out.
The race analogies for the Christian life also make more sense. If we can discipline our flesh and mind, we can surely have more endurance in our spirit and for the work of God in this world. We do not disciple ourselves for no reason, but to sanctify ourselves and work towards eternal purposes.
"Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore, I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. No, I beat my body and make it my slave, so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize".
-I Corinthians 9:24-27.
In June, I started training for a half marathon, which is coming up quickly on Labor Day weekend. It really has been amazing. I've never pushed myself in such a physical way. Scared of failure, I've never signed up for anything like this because I honestly thought there is no way I could actually do it. Well, I am doing it! And this is not to boast of myself, becuase it really has been quite humbling. I've learned a lot about training. Training my body and my mind and how this can relate to other disciplines in life.
I followed this plan for running each week and slowly building my mileage. The plan worked. While at the beginning 3 miles was all I could run, I ran 11 miles this past Saturday! Only a few more until the 13.1 for the race. And it's been fun. Not every run, but towards the end, as I've realized its working, it's been joyful and worth it. As I ran this past Saturday, I was thanking God for legs and a body to be able to do this, for health, for a beautiful city for run through (quite some scenery) and a partner and sister to share it with me. God is faithful. We often don't thank Him for the very things around us. For moments. But it is these moments that make up a lifetime. As cheesy as that sounds, I am learning this day in and day out.
The race analogies for the Christian life also make more sense. If we can discipline our flesh and mind, we can surely have more endurance in our spirit and for the work of God in this world. We do not disciple ourselves for no reason, but to sanctify ourselves and work towards eternal purposes.
"Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore, I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. No, I beat my body and make it my slave, so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize".
-I Corinthians 9:24-27.
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