My "African Dad", the man of the couple that I lived with in Kenya, almost 8 year ago, passed away. At his memorial service, one of the speakers said, where he is today is actually more real than where we are right now in this time and life. I liked that. While I thought about titling this post, "loss...and life". I decided on "more life". Because I do believe that on the "other side" it is more "real" than where we are now and our reality (which to us seems as real as can be) is really temporary and so messed up. Yet, since we are on this side of Heaven and eternity, we can't grasp it. We miss people who leave. But our missing is temporary. Time is funny. I hope I can maintain a perspective of this life, time slipping by, but meaning that I am closer to eternity, to "realness" and to use this life and days to be the hands and feet of Jesus. What else matters?
I haven't written much lately. I think its because I haven't felt "moved" by anything. Nothing has really "grabbed" me and shaken me, taken me, enlightened me, etc. Maybe its been my state. Perhaps, not open to new things? Or thoughts? Or convictions? Quite possible. Sometimes I feel hard to things. Other times like a permeable membrane, perhaps too open to everything thing/thought/idea passing my way. Both can be exhausting.
However, the passing of Dad Howell has "got" me. As a 20 year old college student, 8 years ago, the Lord was really turning my world upside down with my faith and bringing me to a new level. Shattering ideas I had or my view of faith...Showing me God worked in ways beyond my imagination, belief and reality. I had the conviction/leading/thought that I was going to go abroad somewhere in the summer. But not with a Christian group, or club. I didn't know what but presentations at FCA or Campus Crusade about mission trips abroad didn't feel "right". I waited. Then, my dear friends, Lauren and Caleb, went to a full gospel business men's luncheon in Gainesville. We had met a network of believers in Gainesville who believed in the fullness of the Holy Spirit and had an active ministry reaching out the the homeless, college student, suburban mom, to all in the community. Well, at this luncheon, two American missionaries were sharing about their ministry in Kenya. Meet Mom and Dad Howell. So, Lauren comes home to tell me about them, and we both "know" that this is it. This is my summer. I email the Howell's and through a series of emails and phone calls (and convincing of my parents- who as you can understand were not quite sure about me going to Kenya with two people I had never met, nor them, all alone, etc, etc), I am heading to Kenya, not knowing what to expect, but confident that God was leading me there and this was about to change my life, faith and well, me.
I get off the airplane in Nairobi, alone, unsure of what to expect, who I would meet and starting to think I might be insane, yet also excited and full of anticipation, and see Mom and Dad Howell in a huge crowd of Africans, holding up a sign with my name on it! From that moment, they felt like family. I spent the summer living with them, sharing life, watching, learning, absorbing and experiencing. That was my seminary. I wrestled with God each night in bed at all that was happening around me. Mom and Dad Howell loved me like a daughter. I've never seen such generosity, hospitality and the raw love of Christ. Talk about literally being the hands and feet of Jesus. Like there is no other purpose or reason to live. Whether we were traveling to have a crusade type ministry up in the rural mountains in Kenya, or we were in the slums of Nairobi, when I woke up in the morning, people were in the home, around the table, being served coffee by Mom, talking, sharing ,praying. Their ministry was loving people, sharing life, being with others. Meeting their needs through praying, loving, and again, being. They didn't have an orphanage or a big ministry in the US supporting them. But they had huge faith and faith that humans can't understand. When we would be getting low on groceries (and funds), we packed up the cabinets and delivered food to neighbors down the way, who were hungry. We'd pray for God's provision. In the morning, waiting at our door, was a bag of fresh vegetables, milk, eggs. I literally saw God provide. Not figuratively, but in the form of potatoes in a sack and even once a live chicken. Really?! Yes. I get chill bumps thinking about it because it was so real. God's presence was so tangible, it was thick in the air.
I could speak and tell of the miracles I saw in Kenya. Miracles like the blind seeing, the lame walking, and spirits being cast out. Yes, they were incredible. But miracles like loving a neighbor, showing hospitality to the unwanted, hugs to the smelly, and friendship to children were vast, all demonstrations of our Lord's love and friendship to His creation and kids. I don't think one miracle is better than another. Beyond a particular miracle, Mom and Dad Howell's passion for living life for eternal purposes has forever changed my life. While I'm not sure how to be "in but not of" this world, as I think they have been in their life, I know God has stretched my heart and ability to minister, love and have the Holy Spirit work through me (despite me) because of their example. I am different. Forever.
Throughout the past 8 years, Mom and Dad Howell have been in my life. They pray for me, advocate for me, call me, love me and encourage me. I remember seeing Dad (in the US) a few months after we'd gotten married. I felt down and some of the hardships of newly wedded "bliss" were heavy on my mind. I will always remember Dad listening but then saying, "Heather, when will I hear of your victories?" When would I claim and live the abundant life in which Christ died on the cross for me to live? Would I live my life in vain of all my Lord did for me on the cross?
Dad Howell preached this message to poor Africans in the hills of Kenya. To the Masai. In other places around the world. To his family and children (much who thought he was just a little too "extreme"). And to me, a 20 year old searching for the fullness of God but unsure of what that meant and scared to "see" because then I knew it was "no turning back". And throughout the past 8 years, as I've struggled, questioned, tried to "run back" but the promises of God keeping me...to give VICTORIES in Christ. Over this world. Over the Evil One. Over my flesh. And as I continue to run this race, full of obstacles, my own flesh, and this world which entices my every sense, I look towards Heaven. Towards MORE than this life. Because Jesus died for such life. Here and in life to come.
I am thankful to God for Mom and Dad Howell. As Dad Howell rests, his work in the name of Jesus continues because Kingdom work continues beyond our time here and I am confident that people will still be moved, changed and loved through Christ because of Dad Howell. In Africa. In Texas (where they are from) and wherever this gal shall go.
Then I heard a voice from heaven say, "Write: Blessed are the dead who die in the Lord from now on." "Yes," says the Spirit, "they will rest from their labor, for their deeds will follow them". -Revelation 14:13
I haven't written much lately. I think its because I haven't felt "moved" by anything. Nothing has really "grabbed" me and shaken me, taken me, enlightened me, etc. Maybe its been my state. Perhaps, not open to new things? Or thoughts? Or convictions? Quite possible. Sometimes I feel hard to things. Other times like a permeable membrane, perhaps too open to everything thing/thought/idea passing my way. Both can be exhausting.
However, the passing of Dad Howell has "got" me. As a 20 year old college student, 8 years ago, the Lord was really turning my world upside down with my faith and bringing me to a new level. Shattering ideas I had or my view of faith...Showing me God worked in ways beyond my imagination, belief and reality. I had the conviction/leading/thought that I was going to go abroad somewhere in the summer. But not with a Christian group, or club. I didn't know what but presentations at FCA or Campus Crusade about mission trips abroad didn't feel "right". I waited. Then, my dear friends, Lauren and Caleb, went to a full gospel business men's luncheon in Gainesville. We had met a network of believers in Gainesville who believed in the fullness of the Holy Spirit and had an active ministry reaching out the the homeless, college student, suburban mom, to all in the community. Well, at this luncheon, two American missionaries were sharing about their ministry in Kenya. Meet Mom and Dad Howell. So, Lauren comes home to tell me about them, and we both "know" that this is it. This is my summer. I email the Howell's and through a series of emails and phone calls (and convincing of my parents- who as you can understand were not quite sure about me going to Kenya with two people I had never met, nor them, all alone, etc, etc), I am heading to Kenya, not knowing what to expect, but confident that God was leading me there and this was about to change my life, faith and well, me.
I get off the airplane in Nairobi, alone, unsure of what to expect, who I would meet and starting to think I might be insane, yet also excited and full of anticipation, and see Mom and Dad Howell in a huge crowd of Africans, holding up a sign with my name on it! From that moment, they felt like family. I spent the summer living with them, sharing life, watching, learning, absorbing and experiencing. That was my seminary. I wrestled with God each night in bed at all that was happening around me. Mom and Dad Howell loved me like a daughter. I've never seen such generosity, hospitality and the raw love of Christ. Talk about literally being the hands and feet of Jesus. Like there is no other purpose or reason to live. Whether we were traveling to have a crusade type ministry up in the rural mountains in Kenya, or we were in the slums of Nairobi, when I woke up in the morning, people were in the home, around the table, being served coffee by Mom, talking, sharing ,praying. Their ministry was loving people, sharing life, being with others. Meeting their needs through praying, loving, and again, being. They didn't have an orphanage or a big ministry in the US supporting them. But they had huge faith and faith that humans can't understand. When we would be getting low on groceries (and funds), we packed up the cabinets and delivered food to neighbors down the way, who were hungry. We'd pray for God's provision. In the morning, waiting at our door, was a bag of fresh vegetables, milk, eggs. I literally saw God provide. Not figuratively, but in the form of potatoes in a sack and even once a live chicken. Really?! Yes. I get chill bumps thinking about it because it was so real. God's presence was so tangible, it was thick in the air.
I could speak and tell of the miracles I saw in Kenya. Miracles like the blind seeing, the lame walking, and spirits being cast out. Yes, they were incredible. But miracles like loving a neighbor, showing hospitality to the unwanted, hugs to the smelly, and friendship to children were vast, all demonstrations of our Lord's love and friendship to His creation and kids. I don't think one miracle is better than another. Beyond a particular miracle, Mom and Dad Howell's passion for living life for eternal purposes has forever changed my life. While I'm not sure how to be "in but not of" this world, as I think they have been in their life, I know God has stretched my heart and ability to minister, love and have the Holy Spirit work through me (despite me) because of their example. I am different. Forever.
Throughout the past 8 years, Mom and Dad Howell have been in my life. They pray for me, advocate for me, call me, love me and encourage me. I remember seeing Dad (in the US) a few months after we'd gotten married. I felt down and some of the hardships of newly wedded "bliss" were heavy on my mind. I will always remember Dad listening but then saying, "Heather, when will I hear of your victories?" When would I claim and live the abundant life in which Christ died on the cross for me to live? Would I live my life in vain of all my Lord did for me on the cross?
Dad Howell preached this message to poor Africans in the hills of Kenya. To the Masai. In other places around the world. To his family and children (much who thought he was just a little too "extreme"). And to me, a 20 year old searching for the fullness of God but unsure of what that meant and scared to "see" because then I knew it was "no turning back". And throughout the past 8 years, as I've struggled, questioned, tried to "run back" but the promises of God keeping me...to give VICTORIES in Christ. Over this world. Over the Evil One. Over my flesh. And as I continue to run this race, full of obstacles, my own flesh, and this world which entices my every sense, I look towards Heaven. Towards MORE than this life. Because Jesus died for such life. Here and in life to come.
I am thankful to God for Mom and Dad Howell. As Dad Howell rests, his work in the name of Jesus continues because Kingdom work continues beyond our time here and I am confident that people will still be moved, changed and loved through Christ because of Dad Howell. In Africa. In Texas (where they are from) and wherever this gal shall go.
Then I heard a voice from heaven say, "Write: Blessed are the dead who die in the Lord from now on." "Yes," says the Spirit, "they will rest from their labor, for their deeds will follow them". -Revelation 14:13
