Haiti.

I can't get away from Haiti and the sadness of the natural disaster and the suffering of so many there now. I have heard that Haitian people are some of the most kind, lovely and giving. Have you seen the outpourings of faith as people realize their home, country and land has been devastated? Parades with people singing hymns, praising God admist the terror.



My friend, Julie, has lived in Haiti for the past year or so and her life has been forever changed from last week's earthquake. She is safe thankfully but please check out her blog for first hand accounts and amazing stories (she is a great story teller). Although I am sad that Julie had to experience such tragedy, I know she will make good out of it. She is a mover and a shaker for change and improvement. Many prayers and much love to her and the Haitian people.

I hope it's a little harder to complain and mumble about your situation/daily gripings/ill contentedness in awareness of the hurt and pain and loss in Haiti. Watch CNN for like an hour and it's a perspective changer. I hope I can hang onto this outlook and remember....

"But in all things we commend ourselves as ministers of God: in much patience, in tribulations, in needs, in distresses, in stripes,in imprisonments, in tumults, in labors, in sleeplessness, in fastings, by purity, by knowledge, by longsuffering, by kindness, by the Holy Spirit, by sincere love, by the word of truth, by the power of God, by the armor of righteousness on the right hand and on the left, by honor and dishonor, by evil report and good report; as decievers, and yet true: as unknown and yet well known; as dying, and behold we live; as chastened and yet not killed; as sorrowful yet always rejoicing; as poor, yet making many rich; as having nothing and yet possessing all things." 2 Corinthians 6:4-10

Hey There 2010.

2010 has been a whirlwind thus far. A pretty good one at that.

It began with great anxiety as I prepared for my national counseling examination, the last stage in a few year process to be licensed in DC as a professional counselor. This is THE goal following graduate school and it's been a pain in the a**. But I have perservered. And my husband has perservered with me (I'm sure he has gotten the brunt of my stress and unpleasantness).

As of January 5th, 2010, my career as a counselor has officially began. Yes, I've been doing counseling and mental health work for some time now, but now I work under my own license, can bill insurance and it allows me to do a lot more in general in the field.

Along with my license came a nice new job position at work. This has been transitioning since last June, but as of last week I took over my own team to supervise and lead 6 awesome, great people. The Lively team is born!

Hence the whirlwind. My feet didn't touch the ground a few days after my test, but they quickly came down as I have been completely overwhelmed at the responsibility, tasks and challenges for this new role. Now I feel like I can't find my legs underneath me. I have to tell myself, "walk, think, talk, you can do this"!

Now don't get me wrong, I LOVE this new role. The people I am working with are amazing and have been so supportive of me through out the process. My team has believed in me from the beginning and that feels undeserved, but I am grateful. I am energized, motivated and can't keep my thoughts from racing...My struggle is figuring out how to do this all at once. I realize I know so LITTLE and the learning curve is straight up. If I could soak it up quicker, I would...Each day my brain feels saturated yet there is so much MORE to do, learn, lead, think, understand, experience....

I give God all the thanks for this new opportunity. My prayer is that I will pour into the people I work with as I have the families and kids I have in the past. While I lack experience, I hope to make up in spirit and effort. I am merely a vessel...it just looks different in this new place and position.

Anyone else ever feel like the learning curve is straight up and you are just grasping to hold on?

Grace...Grace....Grace....I am humbled.

Hope 2010 is off to a good start for you, too.

SNOW in DC.

It's the Saturday before Christmas and a white blanket of SNOW is covering the District. Amazing. I am hesitant to leave for a Florida in a few days for a balmy holiday in the 80's because it is beautiful here! Blizzard warnings until 6pm. I have never lived somewhere like this before and am soaking it up. We made a huge pot of Brunswick stew last night in the crock pot, have movies from Netflix (although I am trying to coax Jonathan into watching every Christmas movie we have over and over again!), beers in the fridge, and even 2 new games from Target! Last night we went on a walk to help our friends find a taxi (who came over last night for pre-snow festivities) and it looked like glitter was falling from the sky...It is soft and fine and pretty. Now it is accumulating on our window sill and we are supposed to get more than 20 inches.

***Now it's Sunday. The snow is still beautiful. I feel badly though because lots of people are trying to get OUT of DC (my sister included) and they are stuck. Our city is not used to such snow and what to do with it now! Jonathan and I were supposed to go to the symphony last night at the Kennedy Center for Handel's Messiah as our special Christmas date, but it was canceled due to blizzard warnings. We had a fun day nonetheless.....

Jonathan and I had a blast. We trudged, jumped, climbed, and sledded to our heart's delight. You could literally jump and fall into the snow and it would catch you with soft, powdery arms. I felt exhausted from so much play. It was glorious. We luckily found a left behind saucer sled in the park nearest to our house! What a fortune. We tested it out in the same park and it was great...Then we ventured to the bigger park and found a huge crowd watching and lined up to slide down the "big" hill. Seriously, there was a crowd! DC neighbors coming together for snow fun. I think I fell in love with DC to infinity. SO much love. Plus, there were cross country skiers and even a few skiers going downhill and snowboarders making jumps out of the snow, how funny is that! We were entertained for sure. Then we got a warm chaipucchino from Open City (one of our favorite places to go) and ordered some food to go, to come back to our warm and cozy home and watched movies all night long. Now there is still lots of snow outside and it is nice and sunny so we will go explore some more....We don't leave for Florida until late Tuesday night so I'm sure the airport will be up and running again. Although I might be (secretly)dreaming of a "White Christmas" and getting stuck.

Hallelujah.

Bethany Dillon's Hallelujah song says,

"Who can hold the stars
And my weary heart?
And see everything?

I've fallen so hard
Sometimes I feel so far
But not beyond your reach

I could climb a mountain
Swim the ocean
or do anything
But its when you hold me
that I start unfolding
And all I can say is...

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Whatever's in front of me
Help me to sing Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Whatever's in front of me
I choose to sing Hallelujah

The same sun that
rises over castles
and welcomes the day

Spills over buildings
Into the streets
Where orphans play

And only you can see the good
in broken things
You took my heart of stone
And made it home
and set this prisoner free"


This song has really spoken to me lately. Driving around town is often my sweet time with the Lord and this brings me to where I need to be. Humbled. Thankful. Needing to be filled up. Ready to receive something. To be made new. Clean. And made strong. My cracks filled in. I remember making things out of clay when I was little....when there were little cracks, you would wet a paint brush with water and fill in the cracks. You would rub your hands on the wet clay and put the crack together again. When I get dried out and the fractures start to appear, God is good to fill them, seal them and send me out again, stronger and fortified.

I am thankful and filled with love. From my God. He is bigger and better than Christmas decorations, cute wrapping paper, yummy smells and vacations. It's funny because December doesn't feel different to me than other months. Our tiny home doesn't allow for decorations (no storage afterwards) and while my heart might start to yearn for a mantle to hang stockings or a big tree in the corner for a brief second, I am actually pretty proud of myself for my contentedness (this is always a struggle). While these things bring joy to many during this season, I am hoping to find joy in lasting things. Things that don't go in a box for the other 11 months a year. I know the church celebrates God coming to earth this month, but He has been with me for every breath, not just this month, so I don't really get the emphasis, but am thankful for Him being real to me always, that maybe I am moving on from the huge ups and downs and being more steady. Of course, I doubt and protest and grumble and sin a lot but the Lord is more real to me now: beyond dramatics and pageants and goose bumps and huge highs and lows. So Hallelujah. Whatever is in front of me, I will sing Hallelujah.....

city life.

I got 2 parking tickets today. That is $60 dollars in one day for the DC government. Lovely.

Now, I get parking tickets pretty often but 2 in one day is pretty terrible. City life's charms. On street parking at home and at work. This means I have a permit at home, so can park along the curb, but if I get home after 7pm one night, it's hard to find a spot so if I don't want to walk really far, then I sometimes have to park "illegally" overnight. I don't get caught everytime I do this but I wasn't so lucky this morning. But I had groceries to bring in last night and it was raining! I didn't want to walk 6 blocks and across a major road to get home lugging stuff in the rain. Not sure if that was worth $30 but at the time it felt like it would be.

I also have to park on the street at work. However, work is across town so my residential permit doesn't work there, this means I can only park for 2 hours. Then I have to go move it and move it far enough away from where I was previously parked to be sure the parking enforcer won't notice that I just moved and that I don't belong parking there all day, every day. Sigh. I like having a reason to leave the office and walk around for a bit, but sometimes I forget or get held up and can't go move the car. Hence parking ticket #2.

Once I don't need my car at work (transitioning to being at the office more), then I will start taking the metro and then I'm sure I will have many more commentaries about life in DC. Until thenm I shall share experiences such as parking tickets, moving the car every 2 hours and hauling in groceries in the rain.

If Ashley (my sister) had a blog then she could tell a tale of city life including find 2 mice in her apartment and trying to chase them into a homemade trap. Gross and hilarious. The building she lives in is old and historic, yet comes with its share of issues like mice appartently. So, we will take the bad (parking tickets, mice, overpriced everything) with the good (interesting people, walking everywhere, history and things to do, beautiful scenery.....).

Good news: Jonathan gets home tonight and I shall not be husbandless for almost 2 weeks....Yay. Now I just have to calm myself so I don't seem as "needy" as I feel......

alone time.

Jonathan's travels have increased lately so I have had way too much alone time for my own good. I did read all the Twilight books (even though I said I wouldn't hop on that bandwagon, but they were pretty darn entertaining!!). I have been studying for my licensure exam which is around the corner. This has been productive. I have gone to the gym more. Otherwise, I have sulked a bit and thought too much. Alone time gets old quickly for me. I am excited for a whole week with Jonathan coming up for Thanksgiving. We are going to North Carolina to spend some time in the mountains with Jonathan's side of the family.

I continue to be thankful for my job, since it takes up most of my time these days it's a good thing it's positive. The people I work with, peers and the families we serve, always inspire me and stretch me so much that I didn't know I could grow anymore. Sometimes I don't want to grow or stretch. It can be tiring. Somehow, I wake up in the morning, and the Lord refreshes me and I am ready to go again. Even if I went to bed and thought, "I can't do this in the morning". I do and I still love it.

Some examples of how I am "stretched" each day. A co worker tells a story of his childhood in an African country in which he had to flee as a teenager because civil war broke out (as in the movie, "Blood Diamond"), escape to the US after walking through countries in Africa, to never see his family again. Wow. A family I met with today that lives in one of the worse housing projects of DC (think "The Wire"), with 6 kids piled into a small apartment, and very affected by poverty. Yet, the older brother still helps the little brother with his homework. When they can't afford money for public transportation (which is most of the time), the teen girls and boys walk over 6 miles across the city to get to school and back. The Father (yes, they have a Dad in their life which is pretty rare yet amazing) walks everywhere, taking hours if needed, to get things for his family and attend appointments. They lost their mother suddenly to undetected illness. Yet, I'm sure these kids complain far less than most in the burbs with every toy imaginable and a nice car to transport them around. The upcoming struggle is to find Thanksgiving and Christmas baskets to have a nice meal together for the holidays. Lets see.....Another teenage girl that I work with who is healing from sexual abuse. She writes the most amazing poetry that touches me more than anything I've read from a NY Times Best Seller list. She has a gift and I am entrusted with this gift of her art and the expression painful feelings from such horrible things that have happened to her in her young life. A picture of resilience and strength, yet she sees herself as a shamed, dirty, stupid and poor child. I could tell you a story like this about each and every child, teenager and family I work with....Yet to write it down with my lame descriptors almost cheapens it. They are more amazing than my portrayal can describe and I wish you all had the opportunity to meet and understand and "see" them as I have and be changed. Incorporating the change and experience into my life is the hard part....but I will never complain about that....To not have poverty at my doorstep, sexual abuse in my past, deceased parents, racism, and so many other obstacles in my life, I am so undeserving and often go to sleep wondering "why me" as to the amount of goodness, opportunity, blessings and love in my life. Yes, I am lonely when Jonathan travels but this is such a small "thorn in my side". Yet the pain I do feel at times, makes me human, and able to relate and "be" with people in their pain, their uncertainty and that I am real, able to cry, fall apart, scream and feel "crazy".....

Not much to say so.....

Quiz: one word answers only (which I did not succeed at doing).

Where is your cell phone? coffee table
Your hair: helpless (need appointment ASAP...crap, that is more than one word)
Your mother: giving
Your father: patient
Favorite food: southern or mexican
Dream last night: my husband leaving to go to work (oh wait, that really happened at 4am).
Favorite drink: diet coke
Goal/Dream: a more simple life with children and to where I can give back to God and others
What room are you in: living
Hobby: reading
Fear: paralyzing
Where you want to be in 6 years: kiddos and a happy hubby....not sure about anything else
Where were you last night? dinner for my sister's birthday
Something that you aren't? half hearted
Muffins: tempting
Wish list: patience (i started to type other things but then realized if i had to write one word, i need patience the most, because i shouldn't "want" so much!)
Where did you grow up? Campbell St.
Last thing you did: ate a mini snickers bar (halloween candy)
What are you wearing? workout capri's and my gator hoodie
your tv: source of noise which i enjoy
your pets: RIP daisy :(
Friends: faithful
your life: unbalanced right now
your mood: restless and bored
missing someone: yes
vehicle: makes my life easier
something you are not wearing: makeup
favorite store: anthropologie and target
favorite color: pink
last time you laughed: today
last time you cried: last night
your best friend: jonathan
Place you go over and over: facebook, ha
person who emails you regularly: shopping websites and my supervisor (that is sad, someone send me real email!)
favorite place to eat: home