Hallelujah.

Bethany Dillon's Hallelujah song says,

"Who can hold the stars
And my weary heart?
And see everything?

I've fallen so hard
Sometimes I feel so far
But not beyond your reach

I could climb a mountain
Swim the ocean
or do anything
But its when you hold me
that I start unfolding
And all I can say is...

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Whatever's in front of me
Help me to sing Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Whatever's in front of me
I choose to sing Hallelujah

The same sun that
rises over castles
and welcomes the day

Spills over buildings
Into the streets
Where orphans play

And only you can see the good
in broken things
You took my heart of stone
And made it home
and set this prisoner free"


This song has really spoken to me lately. Driving around town is often my sweet time with the Lord and this brings me to where I need to be. Humbled. Thankful. Needing to be filled up. Ready to receive something. To be made new. Clean. And made strong. My cracks filled in. I remember making things out of clay when I was little....when there were little cracks, you would wet a paint brush with water and fill in the cracks. You would rub your hands on the wet clay and put the crack together again. When I get dried out and the fractures start to appear, God is good to fill them, seal them and send me out again, stronger and fortified.

I am thankful and filled with love. From my God. He is bigger and better than Christmas decorations, cute wrapping paper, yummy smells and vacations. It's funny because December doesn't feel different to me than other months. Our tiny home doesn't allow for decorations (no storage afterwards) and while my heart might start to yearn for a mantle to hang stockings or a big tree in the corner for a brief second, I am actually pretty proud of myself for my contentedness (this is always a struggle). While these things bring joy to many during this season, I am hoping to find joy in lasting things. Things that don't go in a box for the other 11 months a year. I know the church celebrates God coming to earth this month, but He has been with me for every breath, not just this month, so I don't really get the emphasis, but am thankful for Him being real to me always, that maybe I am moving on from the huge ups and downs and being more steady. Of course, I doubt and protest and grumble and sin a lot but the Lord is more real to me now: beyond dramatics and pageants and goose bumps and huge highs and lows. So Hallelujah. Whatever is in front of me, I will sing Hallelujah.....