lighten up a bit.

I "borrowed" this from my friend, Jonnali's blog,

Each second we live is a new and unique moment of the universe, a moment that will never be again. And what do we teach our children? We teach them that two and two make four, and that Paris is the capital of France. When will we also teach them what they are? We should say to each of them: Do you know what you are? You are a marvel. You are unique. In all the years that have passed, there has never been another child like you. Your legs, your arms, your clever fingers, the way you move. You may become a Shakespeare, a Michelangelo, a Beethoven. You have the capacity for anything. Yes, you are a marvel. And when you grow up, can you then harm another who is, like you, a marvel? You must work, we must all work, to make the world worthy of its children.
-Pablo Picasso

Then I read this,

Let's just anticipate that we (all of us) will disappoint ourselves somehow in the decade to come. Go ahead and let it happen. Let somebody else be a better mother than you for one afternoon. Let somebody else go to art school. Let somebody else have a happy marriage, while you foolishly pick the wrong guy. (Hell, I've done it; it's survivable.) While you're at it, take the wrong job. Move to the wrong city. Lose your temper in front of the boss, quit training for that marathon, wolf down a truckload of cupcakes the day after you start your diet. Blow it all catastrophically, in fact, and then start over with good cheer. This is what we all must learn to do, for this is how maps get charted—by taking wrong turns that lead to surprising passageways that open into spectacularly unexpected new worlds. So just march on. Future generations will thank you—trust me—for showing the way, for beating brave new footpaths out of wonky old mistakes.

Fall flat on your face if you must, but please, for the sake of us all, do not stop.

(from http://www.oprah.com/spirit/Elizabeth-Gilbert-on-Failure-and-Living-Well/2).


Ahhh. Then some "Sex and the City: the Movie", happened to be on HBO (this made me laugh). Then I ate the rest of the pizza from dinner, that I was supposed to not eat tonight and save for lunch. And that was from the dinner, that I went to by myself, because I felt sad and hungry. This dinner replaced my running workout that was originally planned. I left the office at 7pm, instead of 5pm (hence, while I felt sad and just went to eat pizza, alone...).

So yes, I work hard, I feel like I squeeze the hell out of life because I want it all...not material things (although that is hard too) but ABUNDANT life, from my career, to relationships, to self discovery, to my walk with Christ, etc, etc. I'm not satisfied often. I've always spun this as a good thing, but I realize it is also a downfall. One time in an argument with my dear hubby, he was complaining that I was never satisfied and I "pushed, pushed, pushed'...I had to agree. But argued, yes, but that is good, I always want us to be working on having a better, more happy, more fulfilled marriage. And then he was like, well, yes, but what if all your pushing really makes it harder to even be happy in the first place and then we lose something we had already?

Yeah...Yikes. Don't you hate those moments when someone "gets" you but you didn't want that to happen. I was content with my outlook on my "pushiness" and not asking for a new perspective.

So...trying to chill out, lighten up and slow down. I think growing up, my parents taught me the world is at my fingertips and that I am capable of anything. This has been great. Really. I am confident and determined and want a lot out of everything, as noted. BUT what if I just need to slow down and not PANIC to think about, "what if I don't want to whole world but just what's right here?", or "what if I don't want to be everything and anything, but just who I am right now?....But then I feel conflicted between all the opportunity, choices and LIFE out there and I can't sit still, be calm and just BE.

Help!