alone time.

Jonathan's travels have increased lately so I have had way too much alone time for my own good. I did read all the Twilight books (even though I said I wouldn't hop on that bandwagon, but they were pretty darn entertaining!!). I have been studying for my licensure exam which is around the corner. This has been productive. I have gone to the gym more. Otherwise, I have sulked a bit and thought too much. Alone time gets old quickly for me. I am excited for a whole week with Jonathan coming up for Thanksgiving. We are going to North Carolina to spend some time in the mountains with Jonathan's side of the family.

I continue to be thankful for my job, since it takes up most of my time these days it's a good thing it's positive. The people I work with, peers and the families we serve, always inspire me and stretch me so much that I didn't know I could grow anymore. Sometimes I don't want to grow or stretch. It can be tiring. Somehow, I wake up in the morning, and the Lord refreshes me and I am ready to go again. Even if I went to bed and thought, "I can't do this in the morning". I do and I still love it.

Some examples of how I am "stretched" each day. A co worker tells a story of his childhood in an African country in which he had to flee as a teenager because civil war broke out (as in the movie, "Blood Diamond"), escape to the US after walking through countries in Africa, to never see his family again. Wow. A family I met with today that lives in one of the worse housing projects of DC (think "The Wire"), with 6 kids piled into a small apartment, and very affected by poverty. Yet, the older brother still helps the little brother with his homework. When they can't afford money for public transportation (which is most of the time), the teen girls and boys walk over 6 miles across the city to get to school and back. The Father (yes, they have a Dad in their life which is pretty rare yet amazing) walks everywhere, taking hours if needed, to get things for his family and attend appointments. They lost their mother suddenly to undetected illness. Yet, I'm sure these kids complain far less than most in the burbs with every toy imaginable and a nice car to transport them around. The upcoming struggle is to find Thanksgiving and Christmas baskets to have a nice meal together for the holidays. Lets see.....Another teenage girl that I work with who is healing from sexual abuse. She writes the most amazing poetry that touches me more than anything I've read from a NY Times Best Seller list. She has a gift and I am entrusted with this gift of her art and the expression painful feelings from such horrible things that have happened to her in her young life. A picture of resilience and strength, yet she sees herself as a shamed, dirty, stupid and poor child. I could tell you a story like this about each and every child, teenager and family I work with....Yet to write it down with my lame descriptors almost cheapens it. They are more amazing than my portrayal can describe and I wish you all had the opportunity to meet and understand and "see" them as I have and be changed. Incorporating the change and experience into my life is the hard part....but I will never complain about that....To not have poverty at my doorstep, sexual abuse in my past, deceased parents, racism, and so many other obstacles in my life, I am so undeserving and often go to sleep wondering "why me" as to the amount of goodness, opportunity, blessings and love in my life. Yes, I am lonely when Jonathan travels but this is such a small "thorn in my side". Yet the pain I do feel at times, makes me human, and able to relate and "be" with people in their pain, their uncertainty and that I am real, able to cry, fall apart, scream and feel "crazy".....