Today is our two year wedding anniversary. September 30, 2006 was a truly wonderful day.
Happy Anniversary, Honey!
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
So...Are you like religious or something?
I have started and stopped this entry several times. I am still not sure of what to write.
Since the short life of this blog, I've had a few people question me with such comments as, "Are you really religious or something?" "Evangelical"?
This felt confrontational to me, and while I don't know the motives/thoughts behind the questioning, I have been doing a lot of thinking about my uncertainty of how to answer.
My first thought is to cringe at the words religious/evangelical. My mind goes to politics and super conservative people in the news like Jerry Falwell, or even Joel Osteen (smile!), and people I don't want to be "classified" with as the same....
But here's the thing, who would I want to be associated with in this crazy world? Honestly, I feel like I am floating between worlds of "Christian" and "Secular" and trying to find what that looks like in a person.
My beliefs. I do believe that Jesus lived on this earth as a person to know mankind and to ultimately give His own life for my salvation. He died for me. He died for you. If that makes me "religious" just for that, then fine, label me.
However, keep looking.....I don't like the institutional church. Sometimes if I go to a church service, I leave more enraged and angered than when I came. Maybe its me. Maybe its the institutional church. However, I soak up fellowship with people. Real, vulnerable people. Relationships. Sharing life with someone else. Maybe this person shares similar beliefs about God, maybe they don't, or maybe I don't know their beliefs, really I don't care. As people, we are more similar than we like to admit. My desires, dreams, worries are pretty similar at their core than yours, even if our day to day lives look pretty different.
I think that a prostitute, a homeless person, or someone else that society might frown upon could be closer to the heart of God than a lot of church goers in this country. Pride and judgement of others is something I loathe and they seem far from Jesus' heart and example from His days on earth.
Actually, it was the church goers, He rebuked and to the unfaithful woman He showed much grace. He came to set up free from "religion" and rules to live an abundant life. Sadly, I don't see many Christians walking in that freedom today. It's easy to see why so many are "put off" by Christianity these days.
My own journey of faith has gone down different paths from not really believing anything, to being legalistic in religion, to really questioning, and now I am at a place in which I am striving to be true in my relationship with Christ and on a never ending quest to see what that looks like in my life. I want to love people with mercy and compassion. To accept, not judge. To heal, not convict.
All I know is God's faithfulness to me. That doesn't mean I haven't had hard times, or really questioned, but all in all, I believe and trust in His goodness. I hope hope hope!! that I will continue to, regardless of what is ahead. I don't understand everything or have many answers. I can speak only from my own experiences with a personal God who has shown me His presence and touch. And this doesn't mean I haven't messed up, I have and I have A LOT, but that is the thing about God's grace...It is real and healing. It brings you home and rejoices in your return. Like the one lost sheep, like the prodigal son.....And trust me, if this God will do it for ME, He shall also give ALL for YOU.
Since the short life of this blog, I've had a few people question me with such comments as, "Are you really religious or something?" "Evangelical"?
This felt confrontational to me, and while I don't know the motives/thoughts behind the questioning, I have been doing a lot of thinking about my uncertainty of how to answer.
My first thought is to cringe at the words religious/evangelical. My mind goes to politics and super conservative people in the news like Jerry Falwell, or even Joel Osteen (smile!), and people I don't want to be "classified" with as the same....
But here's the thing, who would I want to be associated with in this crazy world? Honestly, I feel like I am floating between worlds of "Christian" and "Secular" and trying to find what that looks like in a person.
My beliefs. I do believe that Jesus lived on this earth as a person to know mankind and to ultimately give His own life for my salvation. He died for me. He died for you. If that makes me "religious" just for that, then fine, label me.
However, keep looking.....I don't like the institutional church. Sometimes if I go to a church service, I leave more enraged and angered than when I came. Maybe its me. Maybe its the institutional church. However, I soak up fellowship with people. Real, vulnerable people. Relationships. Sharing life with someone else. Maybe this person shares similar beliefs about God, maybe they don't, or maybe I don't know their beliefs, really I don't care. As people, we are more similar than we like to admit. My desires, dreams, worries are pretty similar at their core than yours, even if our day to day lives look pretty different.
I think that a prostitute, a homeless person, or someone else that society might frown upon could be closer to the heart of God than a lot of church goers in this country. Pride and judgement of others is something I loathe and they seem far from Jesus' heart and example from His days on earth.
Actually, it was the church goers, He rebuked and to the unfaithful woman He showed much grace. He came to set up free from "religion" and rules to live an abundant life. Sadly, I don't see many Christians walking in that freedom today. It's easy to see why so many are "put off" by Christianity these days.
My own journey of faith has gone down different paths from not really believing anything, to being legalistic in religion, to really questioning, and now I am at a place in which I am striving to be true in my relationship with Christ and on a never ending quest to see what that looks like in my life. I want to love people with mercy and compassion. To accept, not judge. To heal, not convict.
All I know is God's faithfulness to me. That doesn't mean I haven't had hard times, or really questioned, but all in all, I believe and trust in His goodness. I hope hope hope!! that I will continue to, regardless of what is ahead. I don't understand everything or have many answers. I can speak only from my own experiences with a personal God who has shown me His presence and touch. And this doesn't mean I haven't messed up, I have and I have A LOT, but that is the thing about God's grace...It is real and healing. It brings you home and rejoices in your return. Like the one lost sheep, like the prodigal son.....And trust me, if this God will do it for ME, He shall also give ALL for YOU.
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
surprise.
Wow.
So, its Wednesday night. I had a normal, fine day. Not great. Not bad. When I got in my car to leave my last work duty for the day, I couldn't get the car to start. The key wouldn't turn. I kept trying to move the steering wheel, thinking it was locked. Still nothing. Ugh. When this kind of thing happens, I immediately turn rageful. I have no patience and this awful personality emerges. I call Jonathan (in Michigan) as if he SHOULD be able to do something to help my stupid car key turner to fulfill its reason for existing. I am short and rude to him because he can't miraculously turn it through the cell phone waves.
I call the emergency road side assistance. I don't qualify because I don't need a battery jump (or at least that is my professional assessment) and am not ready to commit to have it towed to a repair shop. The kind operator connects to me a car dealership on the west coast so I can talk to a mechanic (b/c its 6:30pm in dc and ones here will be closed). I ask a mechanic in Santa Monica, CA, if he knows how i can get my key to turn in my stupid, not working (for the moment) vehicle. He gives me a few tips and voila! the key turns. I squeal, tell him he is my hero for this night, feel like a stupid, dumb girl, who can't get her car to work, and drive away, more emotionally exhausted than I anticipated.
I had no reason not to work out for the night. That had been my intention and plan. However, when I got home, just not feeling it. But I'm bored. Unfortunately, its the kind of bored that does not want to relieve itself from the state and seek out entertainment such as gym time, or a phone call to a friend, or a visit with my sister who lives .2 miles away. So I just sat. Drank a blue moon. Perused Facebook. Felt lazy about not catching up on paperwork. Texted my hubby that I missed him.
Its nights like this that I want him home. I don't want to do anything really. But I want him to sit next to me. Watching guests on Larry King yell at each other over presidential candidates, him typing away on his laptop or watching that show mythbusters, for him to tell me to get off of Facebook and repeat his lack of love for the social network, for me to get annoyed that he never puts his dishes away, for him to bicker that I leave the a/c on too much....
I was about to have a pity party for myself when I hear the key turn in our door and....
SURPRISE! He totally fooled me and got home a day earlier from travels....
Wow. I am not even surprised very easily (I am the kind of person who always finds out about surprises but will never never tell i knew about it because I don't want to ruin it for the planner!). But this was a genuine surprise.
Got to go, so I can soak up this boring night with my hubby!
So, its Wednesday night. I had a normal, fine day. Not great. Not bad. When I got in my car to leave my last work duty for the day, I couldn't get the car to start. The key wouldn't turn. I kept trying to move the steering wheel, thinking it was locked. Still nothing. Ugh. When this kind of thing happens, I immediately turn rageful. I have no patience and this awful personality emerges. I call Jonathan (in Michigan) as if he SHOULD be able to do something to help my stupid car key turner to fulfill its reason for existing. I am short and rude to him because he can't miraculously turn it through the cell phone waves.
I call the emergency road side assistance. I don't qualify because I don't need a battery jump (or at least that is my professional assessment) and am not ready to commit to have it towed to a repair shop. The kind operator connects to me a car dealership on the west coast so I can talk to a mechanic (b/c its 6:30pm in dc and ones here will be closed). I ask a mechanic in Santa Monica, CA, if he knows how i can get my key to turn in my stupid, not working (for the moment) vehicle. He gives me a few tips and voila! the key turns. I squeal, tell him he is my hero for this night, feel like a stupid, dumb girl, who can't get her car to work, and drive away, more emotionally exhausted than I anticipated.
I had no reason not to work out for the night. That had been my intention and plan. However, when I got home, just not feeling it. But I'm bored. Unfortunately, its the kind of bored that does not want to relieve itself from the state and seek out entertainment such as gym time, or a phone call to a friend, or a visit with my sister who lives .2 miles away. So I just sat. Drank a blue moon. Perused Facebook. Felt lazy about not catching up on paperwork. Texted my hubby that I missed him.
Its nights like this that I want him home. I don't want to do anything really. But I want him to sit next to me. Watching guests on Larry King yell at each other over presidential candidates, him typing away on his laptop or watching that show mythbusters, for him to tell me to get off of Facebook and repeat his lack of love for the social network, for me to get annoyed that he never puts his dishes away, for him to bicker that I leave the a/c on too much....
I was about to have a pity party for myself when I hear the key turn in our door and....
SURPRISE! He totally fooled me and got home a day earlier from travels....
Wow. I am not even surprised very easily (I am the kind of person who always finds out about surprises but will never never tell i knew about it because I don't want to ruin it for the planner!). But this was a genuine surprise.
Got to go, so I can soak up this boring night with my hubby!
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Life of the Beloved.
"Aren't you, like me, hoping that some person, thing, or event will come along to give you that final feeling of inner well-being you desire? Don't you often hope," May this book, idea, course, trip, job, country, or relationship fulfill my deepest desire?"
"The loneliness, the homelessness, and the addictiveness of people are all too visible. Yet all these people yearn for a blessing. That blessing can be given only by those who have heard it themselves...I must tell you that claiming your own blessedness always leads to a deep desire to bless others."
"I am convinced that healing is often so difficult because we don't want to know the pain...The first step to healing is not a step away from the pain, but a step toward it."
"Our real gift is not so much what we can do, but who we are. The real question is not, "What can we offer each other?" but "Who can we BE for each other?"
"When I ask myself, "Who helps me the most?" I must answer, "The one who is willing to share his or her life with me".
"The world is evil only when you become its slave...The great struggle facing you is not to leave the world, to reject your ambitions and aspirations, or to despise money, prestige, or success, but to claim your spiritual truth and to live in the world as someone who doesn't belong to it."
I recently read Henri Nouwen's "Life of the Beloved" and the above are from his writings....
Striving to listen to His voice saying, "You are my beloved". I hope the same for you in your journey.
"The loneliness, the homelessness, and the addictiveness of people are all too visible. Yet all these people yearn for a blessing. That blessing can be given only by those who have heard it themselves...I must tell you that claiming your own blessedness always leads to a deep desire to bless others."
"I am convinced that healing is often so difficult because we don't want to know the pain...The first step to healing is not a step away from the pain, but a step toward it."
"Our real gift is not so much what we can do, but who we are. The real question is not, "What can we offer each other?" but "Who can we BE for each other?"
"When I ask myself, "Who helps me the most?" I must answer, "The one who is willing to share his or her life with me".
"The world is evil only when you become its slave...The great struggle facing you is not to leave the world, to reject your ambitions and aspirations, or to despise money, prestige, or success, but to claim your spiritual truth and to live in the world as someone who doesn't belong to it."
I recently read Henri Nouwen's "Life of the Beloved" and the above are from his writings....
Striving to listen to His voice saying, "You are my beloved". I hope the same for you in your journey.
Friday, September 5, 2008
a kind deed.
As I was looking for parking today near my office, I found a spot with a meter and was in the process of rummaging around for change, while still sitting in my car. A call pulled up next to me and the guy motioned for me to roll down my window. When I did, he told me he just left his spot across the street and there was still an hour and a half on the meter, so I could hop right in...Wooohoo. This is a REALLY great thing because I am always short on change, since I have to use it all the time for parking and the lovely laundry machines.
This random guy didn't have to come all the way over to my side of the street to tell me about his open and already paid for spot. It made me think that I probably wouldn't have taken the time to help a stranger, right?
So, thank you kind Sir and hopefully in the future I will be more "kind deed" conscious in my own day to day duties, as a result of your inspiration.
This random guy didn't have to come all the way over to my side of the street to tell me about his open and already paid for spot. It made me think that I probably wouldn't have taken the time to help a stranger, right?
So, thank you kind Sir and hopefully in the future I will be more "kind deed" conscious in my own day to day duties, as a result of your inspiration.
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Change.
School started this week in the District of Columbia. All the kids have new, shiny shoes and fresh backpacks. The teachers are friendly and bright eyed when I introduce myself. Walls are newly painted.
Summer is ending. Fall is approaching.
Change. A new beginning.
When I was younger I hated change. My family has lived in the same house since I was born. At varying times, my parents would toy with the idea of moving and look at real estate; my sister and I would protest so much that the idea was eventually shelved. 1343 Campbell St. is still the Mahurin home. That house represented stability and if it changed, it seemed as if my world would shake.
My parents still have that house. They aren't even there very often, but it still offers some sense of comfort and tradition.
For example, at Christmas. I am 26 years old and every single Christmas of my life has been the exact same. Christmas Eve at our neighbors home. They are Cuban and its their close family members + the Gringos (us) and this tradition began before I was born and continues.....We did add martini's somewhere in there, so I guess there has been some change, and for the good!
Christmas morning, the "kids" (we've added Jonathan) still have to sit at the top of the staircase why the parents are at the bottom. When they give us the "ok", we can come down to open presents. This made sense when we were little and there were unwrapped things from Santa on display, like a new bike, or a sleeping bag with a big bow on it. Now there is no reason for it, we just do it because we always did. Its like what is going to happen if I bust down before Mom and Dad?!! ahhh craziness. After gift time, we are rushed through a pastry breakfast by Mom who is all of the sudden freaking out that we are going to be late getting to the relatives. We fight about the Christmas spirit being ruined and pack into the car. A hour on 1-4 and we arrive for Mom's side of the fam Christmas. Ridiculously great food, and a lot of it, by my culinary gifted Uncle, friendly banter, hugs from people I only see once a year, watching my precious grandmother open a sweater and dust buster from her family, and of course, random moments of the "Christmas Story" with Ralphie on TBS. Then we get back in the car and head back on I-4 to Orlando. We used to have to go back to the house to let our dog, Daisy, out, but now she died and that still makes me really sad. Man, I really want a dog (damn condo board, stiff asses!). Then we head to my Dad's side of the family Christmas. More food, but something like cold ham and veggie soup and olives that you can put on your fingers. Some more banter, hugs from people I see once a year but have known me my entire existence and all of the sudden its 10pm and I've seen every relative on my side (poor Lively's are totally neglected in this tradition). Busy day. And repeated every December 25th to a freaking tee.
Now here is my confession: I kinda want to go on a cruise for Christmas.
I've grown to like change. To crave it. To embrace it.
Maybe I'm rebelling against the extreme stability in my early life. After graduating from high school, I have lived in 7 different residences. 3 cities. 3 states/provinces. The fact that we bought something in DC sometimes makes me feel like I have a noose around my neck. I have lived here a year and LOVE this place (condo and city), but there is an "antsy" spirit inside that starts to itch.
Will I ever have roots again?
I want to explore. For something to be different everyday.
I love the changing seasons. I get sick of the current one and always embrace the new one coming. In Florida, not so much. You better get used to feeling warm.
Now back to this whole Christmas cruise thing, it's not going to happen. My family already allowed Jonathan "in" on our tradition and that was probably enough change for the next 10 years!! I just want a chance to get tan in the winter. Is that totally selfish? (I am still not adjusted to this whole NE pale skin thing...depressing in the most vain way)
Some perspective: When I was sharing some of my "extreme" views to the fam at some point this summer, kinda for shock value and not totally serious, my Dad pulled me aside and said something to the point of, well, we will not be able to have family vacations forever, suggesting that him and my Mom would be too old or sick or dead for time together. I'm not even going to go there because I am not ready for my parents to deal with any of the above (or me to deal with it by their side).
Soooooo trying to balance it all out....Change vs. Tradition?!
Can a person have it all?
Summer is ending. Fall is approaching.
Change. A new beginning.
When I was younger I hated change. My family has lived in the same house since I was born. At varying times, my parents would toy with the idea of moving and look at real estate; my sister and I would protest so much that the idea was eventually shelved. 1343 Campbell St. is still the Mahurin home. That house represented stability and if it changed, it seemed as if my world would shake.
My parents still have that house. They aren't even there very often, but it still offers some sense of comfort and tradition.
For example, at Christmas. I am 26 years old and every single Christmas of my life has been the exact same. Christmas Eve at our neighbors home. They are Cuban and its their close family members + the Gringos (us) and this tradition began before I was born and continues.....We did add martini's somewhere in there, so I guess there has been some change, and for the good!
Christmas morning, the "kids" (we've added Jonathan) still have to sit at the top of the staircase why the parents are at the bottom. When they give us the "ok", we can come down to open presents. This made sense when we were little and there were unwrapped things from Santa on display, like a new bike, or a sleeping bag with a big bow on it. Now there is no reason for it, we just do it because we always did. Its like what is going to happen if I bust down before Mom and Dad?!! ahhh craziness. After gift time, we are rushed through a pastry breakfast by Mom who is all of the sudden freaking out that we are going to be late getting to the relatives. We fight about the Christmas spirit being ruined and pack into the car. A hour on 1-4 and we arrive for Mom's side of the fam Christmas. Ridiculously great food, and a lot of it, by my culinary gifted Uncle, friendly banter, hugs from people I only see once a year, watching my precious grandmother open a sweater and dust buster from her family, and of course, random moments of the "Christmas Story" with Ralphie on TBS. Then we get back in the car and head back on I-4 to Orlando. We used to have to go back to the house to let our dog, Daisy, out, but now she died and that still makes me really sad. Man, I really want a dog (damn condo board, stiff asses!). Then we head to my Dad's side of the family Christmas. More food, but something like cold ham and veggie soup and olives that you can put on your fingers. Some more banter, hugs from people I see once a year but have known me my entire existence and all of the sudden its 10pm and I've seen every relative on my side (poor Lively's are totally neglected in this tradition). Busy day. And repeated every December 25th to a freaking tee.
Now here is my confession: I kinda want to go on a cruise for Christmas.
I've grown to like change. To crave it. To embrace it.
Maybe I'm rebelling against the extreme stability in my early life. After graduating from high school, I have lived in 7 different residences. 3 cities. 3 states/provinces. The fact that we bought something in DC sometimes makes me feel like I have a noose around my neck. I have lived here a year and LOVE this place (condo and city), but there is an "antsy" spirit inside that starts to itch.
Will I ever have roots again?
I want to explore. For something to be different everyday.
I love the changing seasons. I get sick of the current one and always embrace the new one coming. In Florida, not so much. You better get used to feeling warm.
Now back to this whole Christmas cruise thing, it's not going to happen. My family already allowed Jonathan "in" on our tradition and that was probably enough change for the next 10 years!! I just want a chance to get tan in the winter. Is that totally selfish? (I am still not adjusted to this whole NE pale skin thing...depressing in the most vain way)
Some perspective: When I was sharing some of my "extreme" views to the fam at some point this summer, kinda for shock value and not totally serious, my Dad pulled me aside and said something to the point of, well, we will not be able to have family vacations forever, suggesting that him and my Mom would be too old or sick or dead for time together. I'm not even going to go there because I am not ready for my parents to deal with any of the above (or me to deal with it by their side).
Soooooo trying to balance it all out....Change vs. Tradition?!
Can a person have it all?
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